Revisiting Austin

It’s strange to me how we can forget so easily. Why is it that life changing events, experience, and challenges elude our mind so quickly at a seemingly seldom rate? Maybe you don’t even know what I’m talking about.

I spent this past weekend with 6 high school kids. Some of them are beginning the process of becoming drug dealers with a bleak hope for who they can and will become, some of them rising above their social pressure to remain “in the hood” and positioning themselves to get out.

One of our staff members and I took the kids to a basketball tournament in Kankakee, IL. On our way to the tournament I took 3 of the kids in my car. Scooby sat in the front seat with me. He has just started to come around and I hadn’t meet him yet, but I was assured I wouldn’t forget his name as it is “Scooby” and he had it tattooed on his left arm so I could it as I drove.

“Are we on the highway,” Scooby asked me. I replied, “well, kinda, we’re on Lake Shore.” “No way,” Scooby said, “I’ve never been on Lake Shore.” Later I found out that Scooby has lived in Chicago most of his life and Saturday was his first time on Lake Shore drive, not to mention his first time seeing Navy Pier. Scooby’s in high school, he’s been downtown Chicago once in his life. He lives 5 miles from downtown and I can see the Sears Tower clearly from his house.

One thing I’ve learned while being in Chicago is that stereotypes are paralyzing. I can’t explain to you how much my heartbreaks as I talk to students I work with and they admitting say how ashamed they are because they’re Mexican, African American, Puerto Rican, Middle Eastern, whatever.

Until I actually meet those whom I stereotyped I thought what I believed was true. I’ve come to find out my stereotypes aren’t necessarily true just believed by others. It’s said that we, even as Christians, act the way we do, say the things we say, and believe the way we believe about others people.

As I try to discover more and more about who Christ is I can’t get aside from the fact the love permeates from his life. But what does that look like from our lives? How does that translate into our social and political issues of today?

I haven’t been in Austin for 2 months. It’s only several miles away from my house and still, I haven’t visited. I did the very thing I said I’d never do…I became to busy. It saddens me that we have such good intentions as people, yet somewhere along the way we get a little distracted and find ourselves in a place we said we’d never be.

I was reminded in Austin who Jesus is. It’s funny that I have to go to a place where God’s seems so distant to be reminded of his nearness and love. I was reminded of God hope. Hope for that community, and hope for us all.

So I ask myself, When will I put aside my logical view of God, his love, and what I think it looks like? When will I accept a God who is endless in grace and rich in mercy? More importantly, when will I live my life with endless grace? When will my life be rich in mercy? When will I embrace the radical life of Christ? When will my love for others not make sense like his?

God really worked on my heart this weekend and during this week. Pray for Scooby as he has begun a cycle of hopelessness and despair in dealing. Pray he will embrace the hope, mercy, and grace of Christ.

May we be Salt and Light…

Waking Up

Waking up this morning I struggled on what I should write. I don’t know exactly what to tell you. Sometimes I feel like those of you who take the time to read this should hear something profound, something compelling.

But then again, what compels? What drives people to care?

I sat at my computer this morning thinking about what to tell you. What experience should I describe? I thought and thought and thought, yet I sat with my mind blank and my thoughts empty. But then, then I began thinking about the kids I see daily, some of their faces crossed my mind, and then...

Maybe this will give you a picture as to why I’m here and do what I do.

I know that across the world there are many horrible family situations that thousands upon thousands of kids go home to, live in, try to escape from, and feel defeated and hopeless because of.

I can’t imagine what it would be like coming home to jobless drunk men at 3pm, I can’t imagine what it would be like being afraid of those I lived with, I can’t imagine what it would be like to live in an abusive home. I can’t imagine taking care of my younger brothers and sisters at 15 and I can’t imagine succeeding in life in that environment, but..

Those are the faces I see daily, those are some of the stories I hear, some of the things I think about in the middle of the day,things I think about when I’m trying to fall asleep.

It’s those faces that lead me to the decisions I’m making, it’s those faces that alter my “plans” for success. There’s so many faces, so many stories, so many situations. It’s those faces that move me to go out to move others to take part in this.

What is this?

Salvation…see one thing I’ve learned is Salvation is so much more than what I thought it was.

I desire for these kids to experience Salvation. I want them to experiences the wholeness of Christ. I want them to experience the freedom of fear and pain. The freedom of goals and dreams.

I’m tired of seeing the innocent taken captive. I’m tried of half the gospel and I’m tired of injustice.

However, I can imagine…

I can imagine a way out of abusiveness, I can imagine godly role models steering the innocent to the wholeness of Christ. I can imagine those who rise up against the odds.

That’s why I’m here…and that’s what I think about…and that’s why I wake up in the morning.

Why do you wake up?

Just thought I’d ask…

and I'm back

This post is simply an announcement that on Oct 1st I'm officially returning to my blog after an extended vacation. I hope this message finds you well and ready for excitement and adventure. Undoubtedly I have exciting things to share and some challenges to propose to those who feel inclined to journey along with me. Until then... Ted

What I Base My Life On

I found something interesting this morning. I purposefully took the morning off from Starbucks to do absolutely nothing. I did absolutely nothing except finish a book I've been reading lately, Sex God: by Rob Bell. This book is loaded with rich, deep truths about life and faith.

I think we'd all live a little different if we'd actually believe, and lived out a lot of the content in this book, but I think its more common to just view it as a "good book."

Here's my point, Bell points out something profound. Not that I've never thought of it, but he puts it in a way where I don't feel "normal" and wish to remain "abnormal." It's about Jesus, it's about God, and it’s about you and I.

"He is born to a teenage peasants under questionable circumstances. His mother gets pregnant before marriage. He's born amid the dung and straw of a stable. he's placed in a feeding trough. His brothers and sisters thing he's out of his mind, and after his first sermon in his hometown, the people he grew up with form a mob and try to kill him."

Rob Bell ~ Sex God

And so the sophisticated Sunday morning, mid-week, bible study, etc..etc.. (our programmed worship) comes out of a deep desire to serve a God with this kind of plan to bring humanity back to himself...

I guess it feels like I'm apart of something a little more refined and well put together than that, but maybe I’m apart of something a little more radical, a little more unexplainable, a little more “crazy.”

Interesting…

Keep that in mind.

Where There’s A Beginning, There Must Be An End,

But also the beginning of something new…

I find our lives so interesting. We enter the world knowing nothing, spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out what’s right and what’s wrong, then, we die hoping that we had it right.

I guess I try to simplify it. Life is much more complex than that of coarse, yet in essence, there you have it…don’t be wrong…well, I guess that all depends on what you believe too!!

Faith is a bitch. It’s something you wonder about, you want it, you need it, you might even go through some, “trials,” and strengthen it, but then feel like you came back to the point where it all seems made up.

Even then you find yourself still believing…it doesn’t make sense.

Now I know all of that sounds extremely intense, but we’ve all been there (or maybe you have complete faith all the time, and if so…your weird.) I’m not at that point so much right now, yet I’m thinking about the bliss of being there. Complete confusion, sometimes it’s easier to live there than to know…or so it seems

Sometimes I don’t like the results!!!

I trust God, yet I don’t understand God.

I question Him a lot. Not in a “what are you thinking sense,” but more so in a, “why” sense. I feel like I’m the child that’s always like, why? Why? Why?

Monday night I found out that we’re leaving Austin.

Tough. Discouraging. Hurtful.

How do you tell kids that you love bye?

It sucks…but we don’t have the support to be there. It cost well over 100,000 to run that facility a year.

As I said earlier, where there is a beginning there is always an end, but there's always a beginning of something else.

We, INTRSCT, are leaving Austin, however, there is another organization moving in. Don’t know much about them except they’re a Christian organization that says the pledge allegiance to the Christian flag everyday as the get started.

I find that strange and many other things that I would rather not have record of saying!!

It is what it is, however I leave there changed. I’m not the same.

Yes I’m Ted, but no, I’m not Ted. Many of the same bad habits, yet with whole new persepctives.

I have some options, but I’ll refrain from getting into details on here.

I’m discovering life to be an incredibly unstable inconvenience that I love. It seems many of us have to have this "sense" stability reigning in our life…but that doesn’t make much sense to me. There’s nothing stable about living in the palm of God’s hand, except for, He, as God, doesn’t change.

I’m not leaving Chicago, however, I don’t know where I’m going to live or exactly what I’ll be doing…

Sounds like a solid plan doesn’t it?

But, as I think about thinking back on my life, ya know, coming to the end an all that.

Is there a better way to live?

Light in Austin

Here are some pitures from Austin Hope & Light. These are the kids I'm with 3 hours a day, 5 days a week. They're slowing becoming like family. A very different family than what I'm used to, but still, family. Pictures can't truly capture it, but here is life in Austin.

Done Listening To God

(I seriously encourage you to read this!!)

Last week I had the chance to spend a day at Indiana Wesleyan. I drove onto campus, like I had many times before. It felt so nature, almost like I hadn’t left.

As soon as I walked into the Student Center, it was back to normal, saying hello to people left and right. I did get sick of answering the question, “what are you up to?” but I understand, what else do you say to someone you haven’t seen for awhile?

Everything was as I left it, but then people started leaving, going to classes, studying, and whatever else it is you do in college, I got out my computer, checked my e-mail, then sat there, looking, watching, thinking.

Suddenly I began to feel uncomfortable, not for any particular reason either. Something in me told me to leave. So, I left.

I hopped in my car and started driving as if I had somewhere to go, which I certainly didn’t.

On a side note…

Do you ever sit around and contemplate, question, and evaluate everything you do? Some may find this hard to believe; but it’s something I do excessively, probably to a fault.

As I drove, I started taking a little trip down “memory lane”. Situations, people, and experiences that I’d completely forgotten about began to surface to my memory.

I began to recall my freshman year of college. I was an intern at JC Bodyshop, a local youth building that is ran by College Wesleyan Church. It was there that I had my first encounter with not only an after school program, but the African American culture (who would’ve thought?)

I continued to drive, I went past places I’ve seen often on the drive through Marion and then I saw places I’d never seen. I went down streets that I never knew existed. I drove past the Grant Country Rescue Mission, a place that I went to several times throughout my college career.

I intended to go there more often than I did. I truly wanted to spend time with the people there. I even called and put my name on a list to come and help out. My name was on the list…I got to busy, forgot about it, and never returned.

It was during this drive that I saw something about my life during college. I looked like a Christian; I talked like a Christian (well, usually), and most of the time, acted like a Christian. But, subconsciously I was done listening to God.


My senior year I went to a youth center to help restore and paint the building. This was before school started and I was there with my fellow Resident Assistants doing a “community project.”

















I felt drawn to this place when I was there. I even spent an extended amount of time with the couple that ran the place. I honestly remember the entire day like it was yesterday. See that picture. I remember the smell of the paint as I helped put The Community Youth Outreach Center on the front of that building.

More than I remember the day so clearly, I remember what God did in my heart. He asked me to spend my time at this place, it’s so clear now. He asked me to invest in the lives of those students.

I didn’t. In fact I directly disobey.

I was done listening to God at that point in my life. I had an agenda, a plan. There was something I’d already planed on doing and I wasn’t changing.

You might not care about the specifics, however, my senior year I choose to be a director of IWU Youth Conference. I even got to choose the theme and name it, Fusion…yay good for me… that was important!!!

Maybe it was, but I still disobeyed God.

I started to cry sitting outside the Outreach Center. I began to wonder what life would have looked like if I had listen to God. What decisions did I make because of that disobedience?

Looking at the situation now, looking at my life thus far, there hasn’t been a time I can recall where I so deliberately disobey God. It took me over a year and a half to realize my disobedience. When I did, it hurt.

I returned back to IWU and was able to spend time with some of my close friends from Taylor and IWU. I enjoyed my time with them, but I couldn’t get my experience that day out of my mind.

So…Why do I tell you this story? I don’t know…maybe you won’t make the same mistakes I’ve made.

You probably will though. It seems we only learn the hard way. Or maybe that’s just me.

I guess this brings me to where I’m at now. I’ve been in Chicago for over 6 months now and there are some issues at hand. All in one week INTRSCT has lost it’s main source of funding and we need to be out of our house by May 31st.

Oh, did I mention that we don’t have any money, or a sign of any money.

I didn’t sign up for this God!!! Or did I?

Now logic tells me to look for a “real” job, whatever that is!! However, I refuse to live by logic. I’ll debate with anyone that logic is a hindrance, especially in our faith.

I mean really, do we serve a logical God? If you answered yes, stop reading this and go read the Bible. Show me a God that is logical; show me a God that makes sense.

What I’m really saying is that God doesn’t operate on the “logical” rules of our world. He made things complicated with grace, love, forgiveness, and Jesus.

What do I do now? Good question.

I’ll start this time with listening, and doing, what God tells me.

If I don’t…

Let’s not go there again.