Trying To Keep Jesus In His Box

It’s interesting to me that we can, and do, make such a big God small. In fact, we like to keep Jesus in his nice little comfy box. I mean honestly, our lives would be unstable if we let Jesus get out. He’s safe where he is, or well, I guess we’re safe where he is.

Ok, cutting to the chase, here’s my point. Our preconceived notions on how, when, and essentially why God works screws us all. We miss God. It’s not because he isn’t working, it’s he’s working outside our box and we think he’s safe inside. I don’t have an earth shattering experience or an “edge of your seat” story, but I am discovering through my own thoughts of God, I’m suffocating him. He’s dying in his box. For God sakes, literally, let him out!!!

I’m not a writer and certainly not a speaker. Never have I attempted to write anything of worth, especially throughout school, and when I had an opportunity to speak…well I did it because I felt I had to. Suddenly now, God seems to be throwing a wrench into my current plans. I am comfortable just serving and living my life in front of nobody. In fact, as much as I like attention, I hate it when the attention is on me in expectation. Next thing I know I’m writing, people are reading (I think), and God starts having me go talk at places. Who’d have thought, certainly not I.

I don’t know exactly why I tell you this. You probably don’t care, but then again it’s my blog, I can write whatever I want. I hope it screws you up!!! Actually, I hope everyday I end up more and more screwed up. I don’t know how you can truly read the Bible and not be shaken. Well…I guess I do, but try and read it differently.

Jesus is a nobody from Nazereth. Seriously. This guy was born in a barn with stinky animals. You ever drive in the country before the farmers plant? Imagine that smell as part of your welcoming party. I do believe he is the Son of God, but from the outside looking in, our society would describe him as a “shame to fame” story with a crappy ending. Now, he’s turning some of our lives into, what the world would consider, nonsense.

Sometimes when I’m working with the kids in Austin I think, “What in the world am I doing?” God, this is pointless.

Yesterday for instance, I was with the high schoolers in Austin. They insisted on playing a “friendly" game 50. Being naive and new, I had no idea what 50 was, yet I was in. Come to find out 50 is a warped game of PIG, except it ends a little different if you lose. Cakes is one of the kids that comes everyday to the after school program. “Cakes” isn’t a clever name by the way. Let’s just say Cakes has had a lot of cake in his life. Sadly, he isn’t athletic and usually loses, especially in this game.

When six or seven of the boys realized Cakes had lost, they swarmed around him and began punching his face and body without mercy. A few minutes later I finally got them to stop hitting and kicking Cakes. I quickly learned this is the price for losing in 50. Though I felt bad for Cakes, I’m glad I didn’t lose.

As you can imagine, it can feel defeating working with these kids. I won’t lie, some days I struggle to find hope in their lives. However, I realize this is when I’m trying to keep Jesus in his box. Let him out!!!

If you don’t let him out, I don’t think that’ll stop him. It’s his story anyway; you just get to be apart of it.

I was working at Starbucks just the other day enjoying some Christmas music. As I was learning about coffee, my manager called us into the back for a quick meeting. She expressed with great disappointment that people had been talking a lot lately about religion. “It’s not acceptable and needs to stop,” she said. We all agreed to it and the meeting was over.

Walking back behind the counter I noticed “Oh Holy Night” was playing. It was as if it was on cue, the next words playing throughout the store were, “Christ our savior is born.”. I’m not sure if the others noticed it, but something dawned upon me at that moment. Call it an epiphany if you will. No matter what we, as Christians, or anyone else tries to do, Jesus is to big for a box. He’s bigger than our can’ts, won’ts, shouldn’ts, shoud’ves, and could’ves. He’s bigger than our motives, desires, words, hearts, and situations. He’s just BIG.

I know this isn’t like a reforming concept, but ask yourself, do I have Jesus in a box? Why does God seem so different in other places? Ok, we know God isn’t different, but why do others worship him so differently than I? I don’t know you tell me.

But, do Jesus a favor, let him out of his box you have him in. Whether you do or you don’t it doesn’t matter, he’ll get out.

Thankfully Alive

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, we asked the kids what they were thankful for. Their answers were startling. Many of them said, “family,” but all of them said, “I am just happy that I’m still alive.”

I know that many, if not all of us, are grateful to be alive; however, I don’t remember that being at the top of my list when I was 7 or even 15 years old. I’m continuing to understand that life for them, well it’s much different than life for me.

Dante’s family will have one less person around the table this Thanksgiving as many families around America, possibly even yours, could’ve lost a loved one this year. Yet, this situation, its different. Life is no guarantee for any of us and we know that. It’s just a much different “no guarantee” for many of these kids on Laramie and Ferdinand Street.

Dante died just outside the church. Those kids are at the church everyday walking past the very spot some of them watched Dante take his last breath. “Thankful to be alive,” yeah, I am, but it’s just a little different for them.



This is Paris (playing the drums) and several other high school students who take part in our music lessons given on Wednesday nights. Obviously I don't give them.


This is the street where many of our kids live. Ferdinand street is know to be the worst drug street in Chicago, according the the Chicago Police Department. As I left tonight there were four squad cars blocking the street in a drug search. Sadly enough, this isn't an uncommon sight.


This is my girl Shaniqua. I never thought I would meet a girl with that name and now I finally did. We like to throw around a football together.


This is Money. Yes, that's his real name. He is three years old and I have never met someone so "ghetto." He's throwing up a little sign as he gets ready to leave.


This is my boy, Monte, who gets a kick out of lowering and raising the rim while others shoot. We have a lot of similarities; he pushes things to the limit.

Look At Me, I Do "Real" Ministry

“I don’t want to become the very thing I despise”

This morning I had coffee with my buddy Jordan. We caught up on life and had some interesting topics of conversation, one of those being women. Women are the most complicated things on the planet; maybe that’s why guys fall in love with them. That’s a whole different post that I will never write.

Ok, getting on with it. I have some important things to say so listen up, or would it be read up?

This is not a knock on the person that said this, but one of ya’ll made the statement to me that I am doing “Real” ministry. I could call it what it is, but I am trying to clean up my language on this blog (It’s for you Derry).

So ministry huh? What is it? Why is mine real and yours isn’t. Matthew 9:12 Jesus says, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.” This leads me to my next question, who’s sick?

Well, we all are!! I’m sick! You’re sick! They’re sick!! We’re sick!!

Thankfully we have a Creator who cares!!

I believe the church is the hope of the world, however, I don’t believe that the world sees hope coming from the church.

The thing I just can’t comprehend is that Jesus believes in us. He trust us to be his hands, his feet, and most importantly, to have his heart. Is that where we are? I sure don’t feel that way.

I said earlier that I don’t want to become the very thing that I despise. What do I despise? Two things, first I despise the heartlessness of myself and many other Christians.

I never want to sound condemning, but more so sound compelling. When I write, well, I simply let my heart speak. This is truly what I think the world needs, people that live out their heart and are not held back by their head

There is something to be said about God giving us a brain. Obviously, we’re supposed to use it. I just think that we use it too much and for the wrong reasons. I am certain we all have “good intentions.” I lived on good intentions most of my life. I always “intend” to wake up and spend time with Jesus, I don’t do it all the time though. I even “intend” to tithe, but sometimes I am selfish with things that aren’t mine to begin with

I always know the things I should do, but more often than not, I am either to scared to act or I justify God’s leading with some excuse why I can’t or won’t. Sound familiar in your life? It’s my reality.

Secondly, I despise how we put ministry (I hate that word) in a box. Here’s what I mean:

I’m here in Chicago living my passion, not so much my dream. I dreamed of big house, big job, big car, big family, and big ministry. That’s what I thought I wanted. My head told me those would be good things and it wouldn’t be bad to obtain them(I’m not saying it is either), but my heart…my heart was different. My heart was set on the poor, lost, brokenhearted, lonely, and inner city kids. My near fatal flaw was that I tried to combine both head and heart. I felt like I was serving two masters in a sense. Basically I wanted my cake and wanted to eat it too. Me, me, me!!

It’s ok now though, I am doing real ministry? (if you haven’t noted the sarcasm yet, I think we need to talk!) Not really, I’m just living out my heart. Ironically, as each day passes by, my heart and my head are becoming one, finally. My heart fuels my dreams and desires. David writes that God will give you the desires of your heart. I’ve never understood that verse, but it’s making more sense to me. Thank goodness God loves us so much to never give up on us!!

Be careful though. I know its great and cool to read some of my stories. Yet, as I discovered by talking with Jordan this morning, my heart may be set towards the poor, but it cannot forget the rich (I mean rich as in having most of their physical needs met. Even if you can’t pay your bills you’re richer than most in our world). If I do, well then I am becoming the very things that I oppose. I would just be neglecting the exact opposite.

The rich business men that I see walking in and out of bars each night need Jesus just as much as Michael does. The only thing is it’s easier to meet Michael’s needs than the business mans. Both are people, both are lost, both need a savior.

Real ministry?…real ministry is this. Carrying out the heart of Christ. Jesus changes everything. He brings hope to the hopeless, company to the lonely (careful, he might use you to do so), and joy to the joyless.

Check this…The first time I visited Chicago I meet a couple Rudy and Diana. They have been homeless for 25 years. The guys I live with decided they would commit to helping them in whatever ways they could. That was over two months ago and by God’s grace and help, Rudy came to pick up some things from our house this morning, he and Diana are moving into an apartment today. Their lives are changed.

Let me tell you about Joe. Joe comes to Breaking Bread every Monday night; however, Joe won’t be coming anymore, well not out of need at least. Joe has been homeless for a long time until someone reached out. Now Joe has a home and a job. It’s amazing how a little act of love can change one person’s life: possibly forever.

Lives are being changed because people are following the heart of Christ. Jesus, Friend of Sinners. That’s my favorite name for Jesus. He was friends with them, loved them, gave them hope and acceptance, now peoples lives are not the same.

Are we up to it church? Let's put hope back into the church. Let’s love with reckless abandonment. I’m not saying you’ll never feel burned, but its worth the risk of possibly changing someone life.

I believe in us because he believes in us!!

Chi-Town...What's Goin On?

I love this town. Driving to church today, I was somewhat in awe as the Chicago skyline filled my windshield traveling east on 90/94. It was beautiful. Much different from the corns fields back home which posses their own unique beauty.


I attend Lawndale Community Church on the Westside of town. I was introduced to this church nearly one year ago. The first time I went I wanted desperately to go back. I told myself if I ever lived in Chicago that would be my church. Here I am and it certainly is. I never actually thought it would happen, but how blessed I am that it did.

The diversity and heart behind the church resonates with my passions. Especially when I walked past a youth class that was learning the books of the Bible in flow with a rap beat in the background. I would have been down with that as a kid.

You should come check it out. I would love to show you Christ fully alive in the same room as blacks, whites, Latinos, and many other races and ethnicities. I find myself, at times, looking around wondering how close Lawndale’s worship service will be to our experiences in heaven. All people of all nations worshiping our Creator, even those our nation currently fights against.

I had a lot of driving time this weekend since I traveled to Marion, Indiana for a wedding. It was my first time out of this environment for weeks. As I made the four-hour trip, my mind drifted off into deep questioning. I was reminded of a life changing experience that happened early in high school. This experience has and will affect me the rest of my life.

In 2000 I was in Toronto, Canada for a youth missions conference. I was extremely immature in my faith and certainly questioning the relevancy of Christianity, especially in my life. One night, our group took time away from the conference to clear our minds. We eagerly ventured into the city that night. We were all energized by the opportunity to experience new things and simply just get away.

We walked around the city creating quite a ruckus. I can just imagine what it must have looked like as fifty teenagers walked around laughing, yelling, and jumping on things we probably shouldn’t have been.

I remember being oblivious to my surroundings that night. Besides, it was my time to wind down, relax, and not think about a thing. I was yelling at one of my buddies behind me, then suddenly I stepped on something large and wobbly.

As I turned around to look and see exactly what I had stepped on my heart literally plummeted to the ground. Squirming from the pain that had just been afflicted, an old woman in a filthy light blue sleeping bag helplessly tried to cover her head as she sank deeper into her home. I was in shock!! How was I so senseless? Was I not paying attention? Where did she come from? Why was she in the middle of the sidewalk?

Then I did the most heartless thing I’ve ever done, I kept walking.

I can’t imagine how she felt laying on that sidewalk. I’m still ashamed to even think about it. The inhumanity of someone stepping on another human curled up on the street and then continuing to go about their business saying nothing. How worthless and unimportant she must have felt. Little did she know of being in the way of a Christian group spending time away from “ministry.”

Luke 10:25-37 tells the story of the Good Samaritan and those (a priest and Levite) who left the man naked and half dead on the side of the road. Jesus is obviously telling a parable, but for me, that verse has become a reality, a true-life experience, and I, I kept on walking.

Today I still see that weathered, light blue, sleeping bag on the ground. I can’t help but be changed by that experience. I admit that I still walk by homeless men and women with little or no thought. I wish that weren’t true, but to my shame it is.

2 Corinthians 9:10-12 (MSG)

God can pour on the blessings in astonishing ways so that you're ready for anything and everything, more than just ready to do what needs to be done. As one psalmist puts it, He throws caution to the winds, giving to the needy in reckless abandon. His right-living, right-giving ways never run out, never wear out. This most generous God who gives seed to the farmer that becomes bread for your meals is more than extravagant with you. He gives you something you can then give away, which grows into full-formed lives, robust in God, wealthy in every way, so that you can be generous in every way, producing with us great praise to God.

As this verse states, I am throwing caution into the wind. I don’t have much to give except the love and grace that has been given to me. Tuesday night be in prayer for me. I can’t tell you what I’m about to embark on, however, I’m certain I’ll never be the same.

1 Corinthians 9:19-23 (NIV)

Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel ,that I may share in its blessings.

College One More Day

So…Here I am, back at the WU (Indiana Wesleyan). It almost feels like I am back in college. Well, for one day at least. I woke up this morning and went to breakfast, which I only recall doing several times throughout college.

How do I explain my life these past 3 weeks. I have already been asked several times, “what are you up to?” “Um, I work with kids at an after school program.” Obviously it’s so much more, but how do I explain it.

I miss college life. My breakfast this morning was already made for me. Whatever I wanted was right in front of me (still went with cereal though). I forgot what that was like. As I sit here in the coffee shop I spent hours “studying” in, I struggle with a disillusionment that is haunting me.

This place was my life for four years and today, for the first time, I feel like a foreigner. I couldn’t even find the cereal this morning at Baldwin. I walked around for 10 minutes until I found it mysteriously hidden in a corner. I felt like a complete loser searching the entire place on my mission for a bowl of Raisin Bran.

Months ago I sat in the same seats at the same tables, yet today, today was not the same. The eyes that I look through see things differently. It’s a strange and awkward feeling. I look like I fit in, but I feel so out of place inside.

The feelings I am experiencing aren’t negative, they’re not positive either. It feels as if I am at the dentist and have been numbed with novocain, yet it’s my emotions that feel detached and untraceable.

All things considered, I know that part of my discomfort came from driving around Marion. Like I mentioned earlier, I was there for 4 years and several blocks from my school many kids are in similar home environments and loveless surroundings that are daily realitys for those in Austin.

What was I doing for four years? Why now and not then?

It’s an easy answer…I was normal!!!

I was busy.

There is nothing I can do to get that time back. There is nothing that regret can accomplish. Here’s the greatest part of all our God stories: they're not over!!!

Yesterday I sat around a table with 8 of our high school students. Dante quickly became the topic of our conversation. As a memorial to a dear friend Tete, one of our kids, had Dante’s name tattooed on his forearm.

“We’re gonna kill’em,” they said as we asked what they think should be done in Dante’s memory. Shocked at what I was hearing, I just sat there and said nothing. Our site leader, Zach, asked them what they thought would be solved by taking another life? “We need to get them before they get us!!”

Wow!!

What do you say? Two wrongs don’t make a right? Yeah… I have used that response when telling children not to hit back, but this, this is taking a life of another human being. This isn’t a little punch or kick, this is death. Sadly enough this was their only answer for justice and “peace” in the neighborhood.

Can we blame them?

I was reading the news the other day and saw the usual headlines, “More dead in Iraq.” We are a nation that takes retaliation to heart and acts upon it. I know 9/11 was a tragic and horrific incident. I will never forget where I was when I saw the second plane crash into the World Trade Center. It was surreal.

Our response: WAR.
Our result: MORE DEATH.

Who is more justified?

Both incidents are responses to lost live(s). It’s simply a matter of opinion as to who is right and who is wrong. Sadly enough, our words of love, peace, grace, forgiveness, and Jesus were empty and irrelevant to those kids. They’ve never seen it. We’ve never shown it.

Where do you go from here? I don’t know. Do we plead, beg, and pray that the killing would cease? Yeah, yeah we do, but we also (that means you and I) need to show the world that Jesus is better than our hate. Jesus is better than our differences. Jesus is better than anything you’ve ever experienced. Jesus is better!!! His grace, his peace, his love, his forgiveness, and his sacrifice is worthy of our death, our death to ourselves.

Come. Come die with me. I’m tired of walking past the homeless. I’m tired of hate. Tired of death. Tired of people shooting people. Tired of people feeling alone. I’m tired of those commercials showing millions of starving children (It hurts). I’m just tired or it all.

I beg you. I beg myself. Die. Die so that he may live inside you. Die so that his love will be made perfect through you for others. Don’t sit back four years like I did. Now’s the time, today’s the day.

Colossians 1:24-27

Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.

Christ in you. Christ in me.

Jesus is better. Let’s show it!!

We're Friends

This is my friend Michael. He was sleeping today as I went to visit him. This is also his home. Be praying for Michael. He is a loving guy who needs to simply accept love and begin to love himself.

Christianity Sucks

“I’m sick of my church feeling like a community center.”

Believe it or not, a member of the local church we work with made this comment.

What is the church? I have struggled with this question for several years. While we’re at it, what is a Christian? I have no idea. Well… let me rephrase this; I know what our church culture says a “Good” Christian is, I just don’t agree with it.

Brennan Manning says in his famous book, The Ragamuffin Gospel (highly recommended), “A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God.”

So…I am perplexed with two very important questions: What is the church? What is a Christian?

To the man who is sick of his church feeling like a community center…GREAT!! Your church is being the church!!

I took a two-hour walk around the city a few nights ago and noticed something that astonished me. Corner after corner were 24-hour “adult” stores promoting their products of Adult Videos, Adult Magazines, and other really Adult stuff that I don’t know about.

As I walked by the guy looking at porn on the street I was dumbfounded, not because he was looking at porn but because as a society, it’s easier to find acceptance and love (obviously a distorted and perverted view of love/lust) elsewhere than for one to find it in a church. The sad thing is I’m just as guilty as any in allowing the church to be so extraneous.

What if? This may sound crazy, but what if the church was open 24 hours. Ok, ok, I know it seems like a stretch and maybe a little radical, but God, give us some radicals. Please!! This world is dying for people to believe in something; Even more so, people that not only believe but act upon that belief with passion and vigor.

I am shocked at the responses I have gotten from this blog. Some of ya’ll think I am doing some crazy ministry that you yourself couldn’t do. That’s a bunch of shit. Believe in something and act on it!!

I do have a confession…I lied.

I told some of you that I was getting paid for this (mom don’t be mad). Unfortunately INTRSCT is on the brink of having no money. I committed to coming with the understanding I wouldn’t be paid a dime for this. Crazy? Maybe. Do I care what you think? Maybe. But it won’t stop me from doing what I believe in.

I tell you this for one reason and ONE reason only.

Find what you believe in and do it!! If it scares you then it’s probably worth doing…I’m scared. Be smart, but be radical at the same time. I think we let logic guide us more than passion.

So what is a Christian? The obvious answer is someone who accepts Jesus in his heart; yet, man made up this entire concept. What does that mean anyway? I accepted Christ in my heart like 50 times. So what’s the deal?

I don’t mean to lead you down a dead end path with no answer; however, Christianity has become as meaningless and useless in our society as the word peace. You call yourself a Christian…yeah I know a lot of those. Go on Myspace or Facebook (lame that I have both) and you’ll see many claiming the title, but possessing few characteristics of a so-called “Christian.“

Ok Ted…what’s your point.

I see a movement of people, maybe who were once Christians, becoming Christ Followers. What’s the difference? Anybody can be a Christian, sit in your pew, take notes on a sermon, shake hands of the people around you, even attend a weekly Bible study, and yet, you still miss the entire teaching of Christ: love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and peace. But not everyone can simply claim to be a Christ Follower.

Being a Christ Follower calls you to act upon the very things Jesus said. Maybe Christians started off that way, but we have all watered it down. So here I am. I’m calling all Christi followers to live radically for the things you believe in.

You don’t know what you believe in? Then I ask, “What makes you feel alive?” I bet the answer to that question has something to do with it. In John 10:10 we are told that Jesus came to give us a more abundant life. Well, I went for a long time not feeling so “abundant” in my life. I don’t know the secret answer to your life or what will make you feel alive, but search for it. If it leads you to California, back to Indiana, and finally Chicago. Do it. I will support you. But never settle.

I’ve felt crazy the past several months. I mean come on; I went from gated communities to gated windows. Talk about two extremes. But for me personally, I can’t wait to wake up every morning, where before I didn’t ever want to wake up again. It’s strange what can happen when you believe in something, when you believe that maybe one kid will walk out of that neighborhood.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I hope as you carry forth on your journey with Christ that you never quit seeking things that you believe in. Remember, don’t get caught up in the entire picture of what your life will look like. Our culture constantly pushes us to do so. Take it a step at a time. I have no idea where my life will go, but today I am here and that’s all I need know.

Well...I Guess That Makes Us Friends

Many times as I sit down to write my experiences, words don’t give justice to what I see, feel, and touch. It’s like looking at a beautiful picture of Yosemite or maybe the ocean, and the grandness of what is being captured is reduced to a 5x7 portrait in a scrapbook or frame on your wall.

It’s like we can’t capture reality through pictures, let alone words.

Today brought about a wide spectrum of emotions for me. From lunch with Michael (my homeless friend), an afternoon sitting with students expressing their pain and frustration with losing a friend or family member, and finally eating with 80 homeless men, women, and children.

The toughest part of my day is coming home and sleeping with a roof over my head. Like today I asked Michael what he did in the winter since it’s so cold? He looked me straight in the eyes, saying, “I freeze Ted!” I sat there for a few minutes not saying anything because, well, I didn’t know what to say.

Maybe I focus too much on trying to “relate” to these different lifestyles and cultures I’m encountering. I guess I’m disturbed by my lack of commonalities that I posses. For instance, as Michael and I were sitting there talking the loudest ambulance I have ever heard passed by. You know, the type of loudness that vibrates your chest. Michael said, “oh there goes 80!!” Being the only one facing the street, I looked up and what did I see, Chicago ambulance #80.

At that moment it truly resonated with me. ] I can buy this man a meal, I can sit with him and talk about life, politics, and the weather; but no matter what… my life isn’t like his and won’t ever be. The sounds he hears everyday are the same that I do, yet different, this is his home. I am just passing through.

As Michael and I parted ways I said we should do this again soon. He said he would like that!! As I got up to leave he looked at the ground and said my name in a low and gentle voice. “Yeah Michael”, I replied. “I guess this makes us friends.” Yup Michael, that makes us friends!

I had a sick feeling when my eyes first saw the spot where a 15-year boy, Dante, lost his life 2 days ago. I “knew” him, but I didn’t ‘know’ him. It was certainly difficult to sit in a circle and look around as mixed emotions filled the air. Some of the kids left the circle trying to hide their tears.

I don’t know what will happen in Austin. Will there be retaliation? Will another kid lose their life over such senseless grudges? May your prayers be in Austin, but even more so, around the world.

I know I see only a grain of sand compared to the work God is doing. I challenge you all to JUMP, even if it’s back in Nappanee, Indiana. Look for ways that you too can see God in a new light. It won’t happen doing the same things you do day in and day out. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insane.

God’s calling us all to be Peter’s stepping out on the water. You might sink or worse…but you’ll never know unless you try. Sink or stand… I guarantee you’ll never be the same. Let’s try it together!!!

I almost forgot…

Funniest thing of the day happened at Breaking Bread tonight. I worked alongside Ray, who is an old gray haired black man. We worked the drink counter tonight making coffee and mixing juice for our guest. On our way to go pray Allen, another worker, was getting in Ray’s way all throughout the night. Finally, Ray had had enough and yelled, “Allen…out of my way!!” All while giving Allen the middle finger walking into the prayer circle.

Sometimes…enough is enough I guess!!

A Harsh Reality

I just received word that one of the students we work with in Austin, Dante, passed away today. I just talked to him on Thursday night. We sat on the front steps of the church as he drank a beer and smoked a cigarette. We had a good conversation about the police and how they are out to get everyone.

He wasn’t sick, he wasn’t playing in the street, and he didn’t drink too much. Dante was shoot and killed today as someone thought it was time for his life to end. He was 15 years old.

In all honesty I'm not sure what to think. I have mixed feelings of sadness, anger, and grief. We’re trying to get in the lives of these kids while others are trying to take it away. This is the fourth shooting on the block within three weeks. It’s almost becoming more of a war zone than a neighborhood.

Pray…pray for the kids…pray for the family’s…and pray for grace in Austin. Grace is so amazing, but so counter-intuitive to our nature. God give me Grace…

Just One More Shot of Vodka

Today I was in the mood for some coffee and since it’s like 2 bucks for a fresh brew at Starbucks I went with my alternative…McDonalds! It’s only 93 cents for a small coffee, get serious!!!

On my way to McDonalds I passed a homeless man sitting on the sidewalk. I felt inclined to speak with him but I chickened out. Besides, I had my Bible in hand and was on my way to spend time with Jesus. (Please note the parallel to the Samaritan)

Sitting at McDonalds I couldn’t get the man out of my mind. My time with Jesus was lame and I didn’t really connect with God, I just read. An hour or so later I couldn’t stand it anymore and headed back towards the street corner where the man had been sitting.

As I walked, fear began to elevate inside me. What would I say? Why would he talk to me? I would probably just bother him!! As I approached I noticed the man was still there. So…what did I do? I sat on the other side of him for nearly 15 minutes trying to debate if I should say anything or not.

I honestly don’t know how I mustered the courage to speak with him. I also don’t know why I was scared. I have talked to many homeless men and women before. I just spent Monday night talking with many of them. Why the hesitation? I don’t know the answer to this question, but we all have this feeling of uncertainty and doubt when it comes to speaking with or being around people, social groups, and cultures we’re not familiar with. I don’t think it’s bad to feel this way. It’s actually quiet natural.

Yet, I do have one qualm that bothers me greatly; when I allow those barriers to affect my desire to love others. It pisses me off when I think about what I did when I first passed this guy!!

St. Francis of Assisi said this, “It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching.” How true that is.

Back to the homeless man.

His name is Michael, and to shame my fear of speaking with him, he welcomed me with great kindness to sit. As we began talking I found out that Michael was a teacher in Chicago for many years, but somehow lost his job and ended up on the street. He proceeded to tell me that he taught history and english. Trying to be funny, I told him I have been to college and I still didn’t know where commas should go, but he seemed to drift off as I spoke.

Then about a minute later, or what seemed like a minute, I asked him what he did on the streets. ‘I drink,” he said. Really!! What do you drink? Vodka!! I told him that I enjoyed a beer now and then and had never had vodka. He then said he was waiting for his next drink and then, the moment he had finished talking, Dave the delivery man showed up. Dave was on his way to get Michael his daily shot of vodka. We did, however, make small talk about how beautiful the day was before he left.

I sat with Michael a few more minutes and asked him if he was hungry, but he said he was just thirsty. Shortly after, we said our goodbyes and decided that we would get something to eat together sometime when he was hungry. I told him I knew where to find him since he informed me he lived on the corner of Lawrence and Western Ave usually.

I tell you this story for two reasons. One, I want family and close friends to hear my experiences. If you think that I am gloating over things that I have done then I say you’re a fool (in a loving way of coarse).

My move to Chicago wasn’t something I choose because I wanted to be a “good” Christian. That’s B.S. (that means bull shit). I am realizing how much of a self-seeking, selfish, and sinful person I really am each day. If I shared with you, you would probably feel better about yourself, so we’ll leave it at that.

Secondly, I want you (whoever reads this thing) to be challenge through my challenges. We’re in this thing together. I beg you to try and break down your walls and open your eyes to the people around you. You don’t have to be in Chicago to meet needs, they’re everywhere. In fact I would argue that I kind of coped out and came here because it’s easier to meet needs here than other places.

With that said, let’s both, you and I,” do small things with great love,” as Mother Teresa said. It’s our love for each other and others that will draw them. Nothing else wins!!!

What The Church Is Going On?

I got a job…well kinda, only on Monday nights and the pay sucks because it zero.

Check this out though!!

There are nearly 20 tables and all of our guests come in at once. It’s pretty much like a restaurant with a twist. However, there is only one dish to choose from making my job easier. It’s not a very profitable business (obviously since being open one night a week and serving one thing). In fact, our guests don’t even pay to eat.

Ok, ok. That was my poor attempt to keep you drawn in as I tell you about a church that is taking serving the poor and needy to a new level. How often do you think a homeless man or women gets waited on? Well, they do on Monday nights at Breaking Bread.

Breaking Bread is a ministry that is put on by LaSalle church just north of the magnificent mile on LaSalle Street. On Monday nights around a hundred or so homeless men, women, and unfortunately several children gather to eat a meal together.

It’s one of the most amazing things I have witnessed. I mean that!!

Just imagine…You’re homeless. For whatever reason you have no home and society, for the most part, has written you off. Yet, there is one night a week where you go to a church and they roll out the red carpet for you. Live music (though a CD would sound much better than most songs played), plenty of food, and someone waiting on you hand and foot (It sounds almost like a place you would take someone on a hot date!!).

Not only do we have the chance to serve these people, we also eat with them. Get in their lives, hear there heart or just listen to whatever they want to talk about. The goal of the night…they’re a big deal!! What they say and need is of top priority. There are even nurses that do free HIV and hepatitis test for our guest.

Let’s just say I don’t know many “restaurants” you go to and the customers leave their meal halfway through to start an HIV test.

I tell you this because I believe this is it!!! It’s the church at its best.
Real People. Real Problems. Real Love.

Talking with the director, Keith, I learned about the history of Breaking Bread.

The pastor of LaSalle Church happened to look outside before the start of a Sunday morning service 4 years ago when God opened his eyes to all the homeless that loitered around. From there he knew that they (the church) had to take action. So, as a ministry they wait on homeless people as if they were attending a nice restaurant.

Amazing I tell you!!!

It was neat to hear Keith’s heart and passion for the ministry. After Keith and I talked he walk back into the kitchen and knocked over some pots and pans that concluded with a loud, “shit.” I laughed. Reason being, I think shit is a funny word that can be placed in most sentences and because I just heard this guy go off on his love for the Lord and .2 seconds later said shit.

Would Jesus ever say shit if he dropped something? I don’t know about that, but I know I do, especially when I am driving. Ooops!!

This may sound dumb to you, however, it’s encouraging to me that people are real about their faith and live out their passions even while swearing. Pull out your verses and say how wrong it is to swear, but leaving my “religious community” behind, I see so much true love in many broken vessels here…I say let the shits fly all you want, just let love reign in your life by loving each person you come in contact with and loving God.

Love God and Love People…the rest…well…the rest is just plain shit!!!

Sorry mom for my language…but I’ve heard you say it before.

Why The Hell Do You Care?

I am white! Who’d have ever thought that being so is a disadvantage in America? Spending time this week with the kids, I quickly found out that I am not viewed as a friend, an authority figure, or even someone that loves them, but simply another white man.

What we try to do at INTRSCT is teach kids responsibility, respect, and ultimately love. It sounds easy but I don’t think I’ve ever faced a more difficult mission. What happens to children who don’t have loving figures in their lives, especially their homes?

It’s tough to teach someone how to give something they’ve never received.

It’s easy for me to forget the fact that I grew up in a loving home that enable me to succeed. Many of our kids aspire to be “street pharmacist” when they grow up (many start in their early teens). Interesting. When I grew up I wanted to be a professional golfer, a little different than a drug dealer.

So, this brings me back to the question, “why the hell do you care?” That is what I am faced with. “You don’t know me!! You don’t know what it’s like to be me!!” I say to this, “you’re right.” I cannot relate to most, if any, of their family situations. I cannot relate to not having a father around. I cannot relate to taking care of my brothers and sister at the age of 15. So, what am I doing here?


Paul writes this to the Corinthians. “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” Paul said it two thousand years ago. Love Wins!! It’s the greatest thing in this world.

I may go off on a tangent here but please try and follow me.

In college I went through ministry classes and almost finished a ministry major. I don’t discount the tools that I learned in the program, but I do have something to say about what I didn’t learn. I wrote papers and even put together events for students to “experience” God. For some time I thought it was the lights, music, and food that contributed towards people encountering God. Sadly enough, I think I truly believed that. What really, and I mean really, concerns me is that never once can I recall a class or “ministry strategy” that simply involved love.

I challenge you, the church, and most of all myself, to put love first. Is there really a good reason why people are lonely, hurting, homeless, hungry, lost, and suicidal? Well, you can blame it on sin, you can blame it on our schedules, unfortunate situations, and you can even blame it on church obligations, but whatever excuses you find we have a problem on our hands. I don’t know what to do about it; I don’t know whom to talk about it with, and most of all I don’t know what to do with Jesus’ words and life.

I’m sick of my filter. I have been taught, even in my Christian world, to read the Bible in “context.” Obviously that is important considering Jesus said if your eye causes you to sin, gauge it out. Was Jesus serious? I don’t think he was speaking literally or most guys I know, including myself, would be wearing eye patches around. But, when he says, “love your enemies, “ I don’t think he meant we should kill them. Yet, we live in a world where we kill in the name of our God. And we wonder why Iraq and public schools have become war zones that have only worsened.

Could it be that were taking the wrong approach. Maybe, instead of force and death we should try love. That’s scary though. Look at where love put Jesus, on a cross. But if we are truly Christ followers, wouldn’t we then try to imitate our Master?

This is the first time that I have verbally confessed but I have been converted from a Uninformed Republican to a Pacifistic Lover of People. War isn’t the answer. Love is!! Love Wins!! I didn’t mean for this to turn political, but I think it has a lot to do with our mindset as Christians.

I ask the following question out of a sincere honest heart. “How can we be true Christ followers and kill one another?” If I am to be like Christ and, moreover, Christ lives inside me, how can I support death of any kind?

Our freedom as Americans is false. We aren’t free; we kill to keep comfortable in our “blissful“ society. This is bondage. Jesus came to show us how to live and we have formulated our own belief system to support a totalitarianistic society. I am completely at fault and guilty of this mindset.

I challenge you to think about what you believe and what you read, especially when reading the Bible. It will be interesting when we stand before the Lord and realize just how wrong we had things.

So, how do I relate to these African American kids? The only strategy, the only program, the only thing I know to do is try to love them. I can’t relate to their life or circumstances, but I can relate to their human need of love. Love Wins!!! It won in my life, let it win in yours.

Lord, please help!! Help me to have your heart and to love. Help me to love even to the point of death.

INSPI(RED)

Do The (Red) Thing

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