I Sleep During Church

As you can see, I keep going through these little spurts of busyness. The first thing to go, well it’s my blog for sure. I hate it that it’s this way, but sitting down and writing can become extremely hard for some reason. It’s 2:30am right now and I have to be at work at 5am. This is literally the only time I’ve found recently to write.

However, as I say that, a lot of the time it’s not even about the time so much, it’s simply that I don’t know how to describe the things I experience on a daily basis. My environmental extremes are astounding. I go from power driven executives getting their non-fat latte (just the way they like it) in the morning, to neglected children who’ve bought into the stereotypes we claim aren’t there anymore. It can be extremely draining.

The six months I’ve been here have been a wild ride; yet, I get this feeling that I’m barely seeing the tip of an iceberg.

Currently there are 20 college students sleeping downstairs. Their here to experience the city, to experience these kids, to experience urban ministry (if I must define what I do). It’s encouraging to see these students come in with passion and zeal to know God more today than yesterday. I forget about that sometimes.

Maybe it’s just late, or early, and I don’t know why I tell you this, but, I’ve found myself extremely irritable lately. I can’t determine what the cause of it is. Everything seems normal. Of coarse I am completely frustrated with Christianity, how I/we live our lives here as Americans, you know – the normal. There’s something just driving me crazy though. What is it?

Maybe the next few days will reveal more. I’m on my way to visit friends at IWU and Taylor Thursday. It’s been to long since I’ve seen them.

When I come back Friday night I’m going to this ministry that works with gay male prostitutes. I mean, I’ll be honest, I don’t know what to expect from this!! I do know that Friday night will be spent in gay bars till 2:00am striking up conversations with some of these people who are loved so dearly by their creator.

Actually, any of you who want to come Friday are more than welcome to join me. I have a place for you to stay; I’ll even pay for your gas and meals. Why?? I want us, you and I, to be changed. Not that this will be an answer or even will change you, but please, hear me out…I’m tired of seeing people caught in a boring and dead faith.

I sat in a church service today on the northside of the city just like that, boring, dead. It killed me to sit there. I wanted to stand up and scream; I don’t know what but at least everyone would have woken up!!! Am I being critical? Oh yes!! But, I’m not being judgmental. I believe those people truly love God; unfortunately they forgot Jesus came to give maximum life here.

Speaking of maximum life, it is usually what you hear as a possible result for a felony. And now speaking of felonies every single person I sit with at church has had one. Yes, somehow I’ve ended up sitting with the guy who live at the halfway house my church runs. Now this is the gospel to me, hope restored to the hopeless. It’s a simple gospel, we’ve just put it in a formula, made it complicated, and if the number doesn’t come out right, well you know how we react.

While it’s on my chest, let me be out of line. I don’t write these things to glorify what I do, or what I think. I think what I think and I do what I do. If it makes you feel uncomfortable…good…you probably need it.

However, if you just read this blog and think, “Oh, maybe I should like…I don’t know, love people more,” and then you’re an asshole to people the rest of the day, week, whatever, then stop reading this and go be one.

I’m sorry, I love people…I truly do, I’m not a hypocrite, but I’m just frustrated.

Will I see you Friday night? I honestly doubt it. Not trying to be condemning, but I certainly don’t apologize for saying that. I just know how it works. Most likely a year ago I wouldn’t have come myself. But don’t say you haven’t had an opportunity to see God in new ways or that he feels so distant. I found that to be an uncommon feeling in life the past several months.

Maybe I’ll regret a lot of what I said in this entry, but consider it a kick in the butt. I need it too. Look, now I’m accountable even more to live out my faith. It’s a two-way street!!!

I’m putting up these pictures of Haley. They are my favorite so far. Miss her tons!! Before I go however, I issue a challenge to you all. Are you comfortable? If you are, STOP being so…