How do I explain my life these past 3 weeks. I have already been asked several times, “what are you up to?” “Um, I work with kids at an after school program.” Obviously it’s so much more, but how do I explain it.
I miss college life. My breakfast this morning was already made for me. Whatever I wanted was right in front of me (still went with cereal though). I forgot what that was like. As I sit here in the coffee shop I spent hours “studying” in, I struggle with a disillusionment that is haunting me.
This place was my life for four years and today, for the first time, I feel like a foreigner. I couldn’t even find the cereal this morning at Baldwin. I walked around for 10 minutes until I found it mysteriously hidden in a corner. I felt like a complete loser searching the entire place on my mission for a bowl of Raisin Bran.
Months ago I sat in the same seats at the same tables, yet today, today was not the same. The eyes that I look through see things differently. It’s a strange and awkward feeling. I look like I fit in, but I feel so out of place inside.
The feelings I am experiencing aren’t negative, they’re not positive either. It feels as if I am at the dentist and have been numbed with novocain, yet it’s my emotions that feel detached and untraceable.
All things considered, I know that part of my discomfort came from driving around Marion. Like I mentioned earlier, I was there for 4 years and several blocks from my school many kids are in similar home environments and loveless surroundings that are daily realitys for those in Austin.
What was I doing for four years? Why now and not then?
It’s an easy answer…I was normal!!!
I was busy.
There is nothing I can do to get that time back. There is nothing that regret can accomplish. Here’s the greatest part of all our God stories: they're not over!!!
Yesterday I sat around a table with 8 of our high school students. Dante quickly became the topic of our conversation. As a memorial to a dear friend Tete, one of our kids, had Dante’s name tattooed on his forearm.
“We’re gonna kill’em,” they said as we asked what they think should be done in Dante’s memory. Shocked at what I was hearing, I just sat there and said nothing. Our site leader, Zach, asked them what they thought would be solved by taking another life? “We need to get them before they get us!!”
Wow!!
What do you say? Two wrongs don’t make a right? Yeah… I have used that response when telling children not to hit back, but this, this is taking a life of another human being. This isn’t a little punch or kick, this is death. Sadly enough this was their only answer for justice and “peace” in the neighborhood.
Can we blame them?
I was reading the news the other day and saw the usual headlines, “More dead in Iraq.” We are a nation that takes retaliation to heart and acts upon it. I know 9/11 was a tragic and horrific incident. I will never forget where I was when I saw the second plane crash into the World Trade Center. It was surreal.
Our response: WAR.
Our result: MORE DEATH.
Who is more justified?
Both incidents are responses to lost live(s). It’s simply a matter of opinion as to who is right and who is wrong. Sadly enough, our words of love, peace, grace, forgiveness, and Jesus were empty and irrelevant to those kids. They’ve never seen it. We’ve never shown it.
Where do you go from here? I don’t know. Do we plead, beg, and pray that the killing would cease? Yeah, yeah we do, but we also (that means you and I) need to show the world that Jesus is better than our hate. Jesus is better than our differences. Jesus is better than anything you’ve ever experienced. Jesus is better!!! His grace, his peace, his love, his forgiveness, and his sacrifice is worthy of our death, our death to ourselves.
Come. Come die with me. I’m tired of walking past the homeless. I’m tired of hate. Tired of death. Tired of people shooting people. Tired of people feeling alone. I’m tired of those commercials showing millions of starving children (It hurts). I’m just tired or it all.
I beg you. I beg myself. Die. Die so that he may live inside you. Die so that his love will be made perfect through you for others. Don’t sit back four years like I did. Now’s the time, today’s the day.
Colossians 1:24-27
Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.
Christ in you. Christ in me.
Jesus is better. Let’s show it!!
2 comments:
Have you ever read anything by Stanley Hauerwas? Some of your emerging theology seems to line up with things he's written. Check out "A Community of Character" if you have time.
Love ya bro
You continue to challange and amaze me. It has been incredible to see, first hand, God transform you over the last 2 months. Keep seeking His face and revealing it to others. I miss you a ton bro and can't wait to chill up in Chi-town with you and meet some of these kids. Glad I could help you find the Rasin Bran. Much Love
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