Many times as I sit down to write my experiences, words don’t give justice to what I see, feel, and touch. It’s like looking at a beautiful picture of Yosemite or maybe the ocean, and the grandness of what is being captured is reduced to a 5x7 portrait in a scrapbook or frame on your wall.
It’s like we can’t capture reality through pictures, let alone words.
Today brought about a wide spectrum of emotions for me. From lunch with Michael (my homeless friend), an afternoon sitting with students expressing their pain and frustration with losing a friend or family member, and finally eating with 80 homeless men, women, and children.
The toughest part of my day is coming home and sleeping with a roof over my head. Like today I asked Michael what he did in the winter since it’s so cold? He looked me straight in the eyes, saying, “I freeze Ted!” I sat there for a few minutes not saying anything because, well, I didn’t know what to say.
Maybe I focus too much on trying to “relate” to these different lifestyles and cultures I’m encountering. I guess I’m disturbed by my lack of commonalities that I posses. For instance, as Michael and I were sitting there talking the loudest ambulance I have ever heard passed by. You know, the type of loudness that vibrates your chest. Michael said, “oh there goes 80!!” Being the only one facing the street, I looked up and what did I see, Chicago ambulance #80.
At that moment it truly resonated with me. ] I can buy this man a meal, I can sit with him and talk about life, politics, and the weather; but no matter what… my life isn’t like his and won’t ever be. The sounds he hears everyday are the same that I do, yet different, this is his home. I am just passing through.
As Michael and I parted ways I said we should do this again soon. He said he would like that!! As I got up to leave he looked at the ground and said my name in a low and gentle voice. “Yeah Michael”, I replied. “I guess this makes us friends.” Yup Michael, that makes us friends!
I had a sick feeling when my eyes first saw the spot where a 15-year boy, Dante, lost his life 2 days ago. I “knew” him, but I didn’t ‘know’ him. It was certainly difficult to sit in a circle and look around as mixed emotions filled the air. Some of the kids left the circle trying to hide their tears.
I don’t know what will happen in Austin. Will there be retaliation? Will another kid lose their life over such senseless grudges? May your prayers be in Austin, but even more so, around the world.
I know I see only a grain of sand compared to the work God is doing. I challenge you all to JUMP, even if it’s back in Nappanee, Indiana. Look for ways that you too can see God in a new light. It won’t happen doing the same things you do day in and day out. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insane.
God’s calling us all to be Peter’s stepping out on the water. You might sink or worse…but you’ll never know unless you try. Sink or stand… I guarantee you’ll never be the same. Let’s try it together!!!
I almost forgot…
Funniest thing of the day happened at Breaking Bread tonight. I worked alongside Ray, who is an old gray haired black man. We worked the drink counter tonight making coffee and mixing juice for our guest. On our way to go pray Allen, another worker, was getting in Ray’s way all throughout the night. Finally, Ray had had enough and yelled, “Allen…out of my way!!” All while giving Allen the middle finger walking into the prayer circle.
Sometimes…enough is enough I guess!!
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
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3 comments:
Teddy,
I love your posts, and I can wholly resonate with them. I guess I miss being involved in the lives of those people (not specifically the ones you write of) more than I thought, and sadly, I'm not involved by my own choices. Anyway, thanks for the honesty. I am praying for you, keep striving.
Hey man I didn't realize you were in Chicago. It's awesome to hear what you're doing and I will pray for you. I experienced about 1 ounce of what your going through about 4 years back when I realized how crudy I am especially after reading ragamuffin gospel. I am coming to some realizations about christianity lately that I never new as I started a Bible study with some friends of mine who are Christians, but hate church, drink, smoke, and swear. I'm starting to understand that God loves them just as much and some of them are closer to God than I am. Who knew that being stagnate and doing what is right might not be as good as doing good and attempting to follow as best as possible.
Teddy! You are challenging me and Inspiring me! I haven't FELT God lately...and I know it isn't a feeling I should be striving for but it displays my current relationship with him. It is amazing to see you are using the tools God has given you. Right now...I'm not! And I need to. Thanks for the challenge. You are a complete inspiration and I am totally evaluating my life in the last few days. What is my real purpose? Clearly, alot of us don't know...glad you are finding yours! Can't wait to see you. Love you buddy...let's talk again soon. You know who I am...your friend ;)
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