Done Listening To God

(I seriously encourage you to read this!!)

Last week I had the chance to spend a day at Indiana Wesleyan. I drove onto campus, like I had many times before. It felt so nature, almost like I hadn’t left.

As soon as I walked into the Student Center, it was back to normal, saying hello to people left and right. I did get sick of answering the question, “what are you up to?” but I understand, what else do you say to someone you haven’t seen for awhile?

Everything was as I left it, but then people started leaving, going to classes, studying, and whatever else it is you do in college, I got out my computer, checked my e-mail, then sat there, looking, watching, thinking.

Suddenly I began to feel uncomfortable, not for any particular reason either. Something in me told me to leave. So, I left.

I hopped in my car and started driving as if I had somewhere to go, which I certainly didn’t.

On a side note…

Do you ever sit around and contemplate, question, and evaluate everything you do? Some may find this hard to believe; but it’s something I do excessively, probably to a fault.

As I drove, I started taking a little trip down “memory lane”. Situations, people, and experiences that I’d completely forgotten about began to surface to my memory.

I began to recall my freshman year of college. I was an intern at JC Bodyshop, a local youth building that is ran by College Wesleyan Church. It was there that I had my first encounter with not only an after school program, but the African American culture (who would’ve thought?)

I continued to drive, I went past places I’ve seen often on the drive through Marion and then I saw places I’d never seen. I went down streets that I never knew existed. I drove past the Grant Country Rescue Mission, a place that I went to several times throughout my college career.

I intended to go there more often than I did. I truly wanted to spend time with the people there. I even called and put my name on a list to come and help out. My name was on the list…I got to busy, forgot about it, and never returned.

It was during this drive that I saw something about my life during college. I looked like a Christian; I talked like a Christian (well, usually), and most of the time, acted like a Christian. But, subconsciously I was done listening to God.


My senior year I went to a youth center to help restore and paint the building. This was before school started and I was there with my fellow Resident Assistants doing a “community project.”

















I felt drawn to this place when I was there. I even spent an extended amount of time with the couple that ran the place. I honestly remember the entire day like it was yesterday. See that picture. I remember the smell of the paint as I helped put The Community Youth Outreach Center on the front of that building.

More than I remember the day so clearly, I remember what God did in my heart. He asked me to spend my time at this place, it’s so clear now. He asked me to invest in the lives of those students.

I didn’t. In fact I directly disobey.

I was done listening to God at that point in my life. I had an agenda, a plan. There was something I’d already planed on doing and I wasn’t changing.

You might not care about the specifics, however, my senior year I choose to be a director of IWU Youth Conference. I even got to choose the theme and name it, Fusion…yay good for me… that was important!!!

Maybe it was, but I still disobeyed God.

I started to cry sitting outside the Outreach Center. I began to wonder what life would have looked like if I had listen to God. What decisions did I make because of that disobedience?

Looking at the situation now, looking at my life thus far, there hasn’t been a time I can recall where I so deliberately disobey God. It took me over a year and a half to realize my disobedience. When I did, it hurt.

I returned back to IWU and was able to spend time with some of my close friends from Taylor and IWU. I enjoyed my time with them, but I couldn’t get my experience that day out of my mind.

So…Why do I tell you this story? I don’t know…maybe you won’t make the same mistakes I’ve made.

You probably will though. It seems we only learn the hard way. Or maybe that’s just me.

I guess this brings me to where I’m at now. I’ve been in Chicago for over 6 months now and there are some issues at hand. All in one week INTRSCT has lost it’s main source of funding and we need to be out of our house by May 31st.

Oh, did I mention that we don’t have any money, or a sign of any money.

I didn’t sign up for this God!!! Or did I?

Now logic tells me to look for a “real” job, whatever that is!! However, I refuse to live by logic. I’ll debate with anyone that logic is a hindrance, especially in our faith.

I mean really, do we serve a logical God? If you answered yes, stop reading this and go read the Bible. Show me a God that is logical; show me a God that makes sense.

What I’m really saying is that God doesn’t operate on the “logical” rules of our world. He made things complicated with grace, love, forgiveness, and Jesus.

What do I do now? Good question.

I’ll start this time with listening, and doing, what God tells me.

If I don’t…

Let’s not go there again.