Coming Clean With My DUI(s)

I’ve been planning on this post for about a month. I specifically set aside time to reflect on something of great importance, “Who’s been my Influences?” Or, I would like to refer to them as my DUIs, “Dangerous Uncompromising Inspirations.”

I have chosen 6 individuals, fitting for the close of ’06, who have effected me greatly. Some you’ve simply heard of, others are famous, and several are people God’s brought along my journey.

As we’re all aware, DUIs are normally given to people who drive drunk, but putting a spin on it, I think of the term quiet differently. D is for “Dangerous.” These individuals are dangerous because they challenge my comfort level, they challenge my misconceptions of Christianity, but most importantly, they challenge me to question my beliefs, thus making them dangerous.

U is for “Uncompromising.” These individuals don’t compromise their lifestyles and beliefs for the Gospel. This easily leads me to the “I”. I is for “Inspiring.” Uncompromising men and women are inspiring (those who don’t compromise in relation to the Gospel). If these individuals don’t inspire you then, well I’d be shocked.

I’ve excluded Jesus and my parents, who have certainly effected me far beyond any individuals listed, in effort to avoid any clichés and exemplify others whom God has brought along my journey besides the obvious. So here we go…

* The truth is that these men are simply individuals trying, or have tried, to live holy lives in their journey. They’re just like you and I, except different, different in the fact that they make me uncomfortable. Get those type of individuals in your life.


1. TERRY BLEY

If you’re looking for the “super cool,” loud, and obnoxious youth pastor type you, won’t find it in Terry Bley. You will, however, find a man with great reverence for God. This is displayed so lavishly throughout his life.

Terry is one of the most down to earth guys I know. His “above reproach” lifestyle has always shaken me. His passion for holiness has always been disturbing, challenging me when he was completely unaware. I’ve been watching Terry since I was barely 11 years old. I’ve been challenged since that day.

Terry is dangerous because of his pursuit of holiness. His fear of the Lord is evident as his wisdom is unrivaled. He is uncompromising in his values, love for his family, and most of all his love for his savior. He is inspiring because of his consistency in his spiritual life, even through tough trials. Terry is a youth pastor in tiny Nappanee, Indiana…

This makes Terry one of my DUIs.

2. DAN GRUNSETH

If you’ve never believed that by teaching a Sunday school class you could eternally impact someone’s life, then you haven’t heard my story about Dan.

I was a punk 15-year-old freshman who cared little about church. Dan was my Sunday school teacher that year and to put it simply, “I hated him.” I don’t think he was too fond of me at first either, being the kid who makes teaching more of a headache than a fulfilling ministry.

Yet, this story is unique, this story different than others. Dan killed me with kindness. His love for me was detestably comforting; his love for me was like Jesus’ love, life changing.

After nearly 9 months of time with Dan, Jesus broke through. Dan was Jesus to me at that point in my life, and because of Dan, I began my journey, my love relationship with God.

Dan is dangerous because he loves unconditionally. His commitment to seeking the heart of Christ is uncompromising. The way he loved and ornery high school freshman who despised him is inspiring. Dan was a Sunday school teacher…

This makes Dan one of my DUIs.

3. JASON SHOWALTER

For a short season in my life, I had the blessing of knowing Jason Showalter. He’s taught me about grace, peace, love, and compassion, more so than anyone I’ve ever met. He’s truly inspiring to me.

It saddens me that I’ve never been able to share this with Jason. I want to share it in person; however, it’s almost impossible at this point. Jason has left with his wife and two kids for Morocco. He won’t be coming back anytime soon either. His family made a ten-year commitment to “dwell” among the Moroccan people. What a commitment!!

I’m proud of Jason. I love how he makes me feel uncomfortable. He’s dangerous by how his decisions shake you to your core. He’s uncompromising by his commitment to the gospel. And Jason’s inspiring by leaving what’s here to say, “yes” to Jesus’ barbaric call.

Keep Jason in your mind over the years, especially through this unimaginable transition to Morocco. Jason’s a “doer” of the word, a “doer” of what Jesus said…

This makes Jason one of my DUIs.

4. SHANE CLAIBORN

I’ve read about Shane, heard him speak, listened to what others have said about him, but I’ve never met him. Shane is apart of a new movement in American Christianity. He is the author of the “Irresistible Revolution” and founder of The Simple Way. .

Shane’s passion and zeal for people illuminates Christ’s message to love the least, last, and lost. I suggest you read his book. It will make you question who you are and I love that.

I’ve actually had the opportunity in college to visit the area in Philadelphia where Shane, and those involved with The Simple Way work. I’ve see what they’ve seen, touched what they’ve touched, and have heard the sounds they hear.

Shane is a dangerous person. He is dangerous for the ways in which he calls Christians to question why we do what we do. His lifestyle and words make me search deep into the topics I would rather surpass. Shane doesn’t compromise in his values to love. He’s uncompromising in his loving mission here on earth. Most of all, Shane is inspiring. He inspires me to live uncomfortably, not only physically but spiritually as well. Shane is a 20 year old, dead locked, hippie looking Christ Follower…

This makes Shane one of my DUIs.

5. ST. FRANCIS OF ASSISI

St. Francis of Assisi is one of my heroes of the faith. Disturbed by a beggar asking for money one day, St. Francis life took a dramatic shift. You Can read more about his life HERE. .

I encourage you to read the story of St. Francis. Besides the life of Christ, St. Francis truly resonates with my heart. Was he crazy? Maybe, but perhaps he fully embraced the Gospel.

St. Francis is dangerous as his life and actions display radicalism in our faith. At the same time, his life embraces the heart of God fully. He was also an uncompromising man. He wouldn’t let his father’s manipulation sway the burden he had for the church. He chose less to gain more. St Francis is inspiring because of his radical or possibly just Christ centered focus. St Francis was a boy, brought into this world by a prominent business man, who chose to be a poverty stricken apostle…

This makes St. Francis of Assisi one of my DUIs.

6. MARTIN LUTHER


Martin Luther, the monk we have all grown to love, the monk who changed Christianity, as we know it today, the monk who nailed the 95 Theses to the Wittenberg door.

Most of us are very familiar with Luther. Movies have been made about his life, books written about him, and translated the Bible into German, having great affect on our King James Bible.

He has an extremely impressive resume, yet, Martin Luther had many struggles and issues we tend to look past. Nonetheless, he is extremely inspirational to me. Perhaps it’s his defiant attitude he had nailing that document to that door, or the fact that his theological ideas were revolutionary for his time. You can read more about Luther HERE. .

Luther is a dangerous, dangerous man. Again, like other mentioned today, Luther causes me to question myself, my beliefs, and my faith. His uncompromising stance against the Catholic Church at that time is suspenseful. He risked death, yet didn’t taste it in vain. Luther’s inspiring because of his uphill battle he fought his entire life. He never let his conviction pass…

This makes Martin Luther one of my DUIs.

These are my DUIs. Who’s been your influence? Who do you let speak to you?

I’ve learned, from doing this excise. people watch us from the sidelines. I’ve watched many of these individuals from the sidelines and am not the same because of it. I guess whether we want it or not, we’re being watched…

So This Is Christmas...

Tonight I finally did my Christmas shopping. I’m proud of myself being finished a day early, though some of you have likely been done for nearly a month. Presents at Christmas are cool, but time with loved ones and grasping “God with us” is truly what makes Christmas special to me.

I headed to Michigan Ave to complete my Christmas shopping (don’t worry this entry is about more than me purchasing presents.) As I’ve mentioned several times beforehand, I love the city. I love the people, place, diversity, socioeconomic differences, the poor, the lost, and tonight, even the drunk. I’ve simply described most places in the world, yet there’s something special about Chicago.

When I go downtown I try to carry several McDonald’s gift cards with me. This not only gives me a chance to feed those that are hungry, I also get to initiate conversations with homeless men and women. Tonight, I had an encounter that brought tears to my eyes.

After departing from the train, I quickly hit the stores I'd planned, first being Apple of coarse. When my shopping was complete I decided to walk around town admiring the Christmas decorations and atmosphere. I walked down State Street (one of my favorite streets besides Michigan) to see the famous Macy’s window decorations and the Chicago Theater.

During my walk, I came upon a huge Catholic church called Holy Name Cathedral. I was in awe of its beauty. I noticed they had their service times posted for Saturday night, the latest being 7:30. I looked at my phone finding that I was just in time for mass. So, I entered. (Side note: I’m glad I’m not Catholic; they stand, sit, and mumble things throughout the whole service. Maybe I just wasn’t used to it.)

Towards the end of the service my attention was drawn towards a man in the far back corner. By his appearance it seemed most likely that he was homeless. After the service concluded I hurried towards the back where the man had been seated.

He dashed out of the Cathedral, but luckily I caught him just outside the door. “Sir,” I said politely. He turned around slowly giving me a confused stare. “I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and give you this card to McDonald’s.” He took several seconds examining the card then looked up at me saying, “how does it work,” looking even more confused. I was almost speechless. I couldn’t believe he didn’t know. Maybe I was being naive, but I was completely shocked.

As I explained how to use the card, I had the man’s complete attention, as if I was explaining where a secret treasure was located. As soon as I finished he said thank you, shook my hand, and then took off like a rocket down the street. I felt inclined to follow him, so I did. It was almost impossible to keep up with him.

Where was he heading so quickly?

As I turned the corner on Chicago Ave, I watched him practically run through the doors of McDonalds.

I’ve never experienced the feeling I had felt at that moment before. I can’t describe it to you. I stood outside that McDonald’s crying as the man stood at the soda fountain for several minutes drinking pop as quick as he could swallow, then refilling his cup over and over again. That experience moved me; I’ll never forget it. Mass was completely boring, but if I can worship God next to people like him, I may go more often.

Shortly after I left McDonald’s, I began walking west towards the Hard Rock Café. I don’t know why I did, but I just did. I noticed a man in front of me who was about ready to fall over. I didn’t know what to do. At first, I debated in my mind how I would avoid the man.

As I came closer and closer to him I couldn’t simply walk by. I think Luke 10 has messed me up some. I asked the man if he was ok.

He replied in a soft drunken slur, “Yes, I’ma great.”

“Ahh ok,” I said. “My name is Ted, where are you headed?”

“To the Redline Train,” he sort of said.

I knew he was really gone, as he had just walked right in front of it.

“Well sir, its just back there,” pointing him in the right direction.

“Can I help you get there?” I asked.

“No, no,” he said. “You don’t want to be around me right now, I’m pissed.”

“Ok, what’s wrong sir?”

I’m not to sure what he was talking about, but I guess he was pretty mad at his boss and came and got drunk because of it, real drunk.

I offered to get a cab for him, but he wasn’t in the mood for help at that moment. “Ted,” he said as he reached for his wallet, “Merry F*@%ing Christmas,” and handed me a $100 dollar bill. I tried to get him to take it back, but he quickly became irritated. Saying Merry Christmas back to him, I made sure he went in the right direction as we parted.

After visiting with several other homeless men and women, I got back on the train myself.

Life…it’s an adventure. I was a little lonely heading downtown alone tonight; however, God gave me company in a unique way: a drunk man and several homeless people.

Merry Christmas everyone!!! Don’t forget, Christmas is about “God with us.”

"I Hate This Church"

This past Wednesday was our last day in Austin for the year. INTRSCT is taking two weeks off from the site to give us a break, and also give the kids more time at home for the Holidays.

It was hard to leave the kids, young and old. I knew it would be when Shantonia came up to me, after we announced we’d be gone for two weeks, wrapped her arms around me saying, “I’m sure gonna miss you,” as her eyes penetrated mine.

It was the first time I had received any love or affection back from the kids. For me, I wanted to stay at that moment. I didn’t want a two-week break, which looked extremely appealing beforehand. I wanted to remain with Shantonia, I wanted to remain with those kids.

In celebration of Christmas we gathered the kids together and told them about the true meaning of Christmas. When we first asked them what Christmas meant, we got several responses, none having to do with Jesus. Several of the students yelled, “money!” and were upset the cards we gave had only a Bible verse and writing.

Occasionally we have to kick students out for the day. In reality, we should kick most of them out each day for their behavior, but in trying to love them and teach grace, I find there being constant tension with how I should respond to things.

Montay, a seven-year-old who thinks he's going on eighteen, was completely out of control Wednesday, nothing unusual for him. After doing a multitude of insensitive things, Montay was told to go home.

We try to walk the kids home when the after school program ends each day. It’s not safe for them to be out on the street after dark, but then we are, so, I guess it’s a “God protect me” walk back some nights.

As Montay gathered his book bag and coat, I willingly volunteered to walk him home.

He didn’t say much of anything on that walk until we were nearly to his house. “I hate this church, I hate ya’ll” “You do?” I asked. “Yeah I do!!” he said with as much authority a seven year old can have in anger. “That’s a shame,” I replied. “We all love having you around and spending time with you.” “Yeah right!!” he shouted. “How come you kick me out and not the big kids?” “Montay, Montay,” I said with as much gentleness I could muster, “You think we like the big kids better because we don’t kick them out?” “Yeah!!” he snarled back.

I went on trying to explain that the bigger kids have different rules and “usually” behave better. As I spoke he seemed very disinterested looking everywhere but at me. I finally said, “Montay, when your older, you’ll have the same rules they do, but for now you have to follow the rules we have and respect others.”

Then Montay responded, “You won’t be here when I’m older.” I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing truthful could come out. I couldn’t tell him I would, because I certainly don’t know. If I would and then I left, I’d lose his trust and so would others whom try to gain it.

This summer, when INTRSCT first arrived in Austin, the neighborhood certainly didn’t celebrate our arrival; in fact, many families were more upset than anything we were there. Our site leader, Zack, told me about a parent who confronted him this summer. She didn’t want him here, and was surely not going to let him care for her children.

Her main concern wasn’t so much that we were there, or that we were a Christian group. She was concerned that we'd walk into her neighborhood, do some “good” deeds, and walk out. Her response puzzled me at first, but now, now I think I get it.

I’m white, most of you who read this are white. We can’t hid it, look past it, try to forget about it, or even raise children in hope they do not look at color. It’s forever with us. It’s in our culture, our society, and our world.

What I hear Montay, and this mother saying, is “You’ve never cared, you’ve never stayed around, you’ve never done anything but give us, black people, false hope.” If you think about it, it’s pretty true. I’m not going to go into injustices that have been done to both blacks and whites, yet I think it’s important to wrestle with our views on any subculture. We don’t know them because we’ve never cared to get to know them, or at least that’s my story. A lot of what we think we know about “blacks” and “Mexicans” for example, is developed by media, or possibly an encounter you’ve had with someone from that culture or heritage.

Anyway, I have a child, most likely many children/adults, who think we won’t last. We’ll come in, give them hope, later to abandon them. I don’t want to do that. I want to see Montay grow up, I want to see him graduate from high school (a huge deal in that neighborhood), I want to see him go to college, which is unthinkable for many of them.

I issue a challenge: When’s the last time you intentionally got to know someone who maybe isn’t like you, I mean not like you in the sense of culture, race, world views, morals? When’s the last time you’ve ever gotten to know someone who is gay, looking at them as beloved by a creator, not a sinner. I’m a sinner; I’m unrighteous, yet you still talk to me. I challenge our beliefs, our misconceptions about others.

Prayer is scary, I don’t understand it most of the time, but pray for the opportunities. Jesus will rock your world if you ask him.

I'm Not Playin...We've Got Issues

Take a read at the recent issue Bono brought to the Man. If I've said it once I'll say it again, "Stick it to the Man," the man sticks it to you. Read HERE .

Dying Behind Walls

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately; thinking about Christmas, it’s meaning, our meaning, Christ’s meaning, and Haley’s meaning. As I held Haley this past Saturday, I couldn’t comprehend the beautiful reality of life. It all seemed surreal (possibly because a barely slept). As I continued to gaze upon this new life, I found my heart growing heavier and heavier, questioning who I am, who we are, as people, as Americans, and as humans.

Over the past 6 months my eyes have been opened to the social injustices throughout the world. When I hear unimaginable numbers of babies dying, children dying, just any human dying, I am mortified by the state in which our world sits back and observes. What can I do? I don’t know, but I want to do something, I must do something.

Being in the city, I’m slowly changing. I’ve gone through many cultural changes this year and I’m finally starting to settle. I don’t mean settle as in becoming comfortable, yet more so feel at home in my environment. It’s hard to be comfortable in this environment. I’ve surrounded myself with pretty radical individuals who are determined to live this life in discomfort. It’s pretty uncomfortable when we open our eyes.

I don’t think we notice how blind we are. I don’t think we notice our walls.

I’ve realized something in America, something very sad about our country. The idea of America is beautiful. The ability to freely worship, the ability to be accepted because you matter as a person, that’s truly our purposeful existence. That’s the America I love. However, I don't love how we obtained it. We'll just continue to look past that one?

The America I struggle with is the arrogant America, the America that fights for “justice” in Iraq, but passes by Rwanda and Darfur. I struggle with the America that has the resources to stop poverty but choose not to do so. The America that could’ve provided clean drinking water to our world with the amount consumers spent on Black Friday of this year.

It’s as if we’ve made it socially acceptable to pass by many of the world’s problems.

I’ll be the first to admit, its hard not getting caught up in what “we’re “doing and where “we’re” going. This is, again, why I think it’s so important to have people around us that make our lives uncomfortable. People who challenge us to our very core, people who ask the tough questions, and people who upset us.

My biggest question for us all is, “Are we willing to get into the dirt of peoples lives?” Are we willing to leave our false reality of life, open our eyes to what’s around us, open our eyes to our neighbors, communities, cities, states, country, other countries, an ultimately our world.

Leo Tolstoy says, “"Everybody thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing himself."

We need to face our walls. We’re dying behind them. Others are dying because of them.

Am I making sense?

God is more present in the ghetto than in many of our homes. We don’t need God (well…). We’ve got what we need. We tend to only need God when something bad happens, but really, are we dependant on him for our next meal? Are we dependant on him for our health? Truthfully, I rarely give thanks before I eat. I guess if I did I would feel hypocritical. I usually feel entitled to what I eat, like I deserve it or something.

Look, I feel helpless. I am helpless. But, I can do something, I can change myself. I can commit to diving into the dirt of others lives. I can pray to God that my influence would reach what he would have me reach.

I beg you, open your eyes.

Your responsible, I’m responsible. If we don’t act, we’re at fault. It’s your fault and it’s my fault.

What does that mean for you?…I don’t know. I know what it means for me though.

DO SOMETHING.

I can’t, we can’t, change the world over night, but try and look at life differently today. Opportunity is all around you. It doesn’t matter where you live, it matters why you live. We’re all going to die, die serving not sitting.

As I held Haley, I couldn’t get other children around the world out of my head. Over the past few days it’s only grown stronger. My heart is heavy tonight for those kids in Austin, for those kids I see in the news or I read about from the (Red) campaign.

Why is her life more important than those I read, those I watch die on television? Obviously, I have a much closer connection to Haley, she’s family, she matters to God, but so do they.

I will not sit back. Please don’t sit back. Do Something.

You won’t believe how big a small act is. This may be because you’ve never done anything. What’s past is past. Carpe Diem, seize the day, you’ve heard, I’ve heard, let’s live it.

Me And My Girl

Some of you know and some of you don't. This Wednesday at 7:19am a new life entered the world, Haley Elizabeth Thompson. It certainly was a crazy day receiving a call from my dad around 3:45am. 3:46am I was in my car and on my way to Indiana. The feeling of being an uncle is indescribable and humbling. Life is so precious, so innocent at birth, it's a shame we can't remain in that innocents.


Shortly after haley was born.


Haley, tired from such an early morning or tired because she is a few hours old.


The Fam and Rachael!


Big Papa!!


My sis and I.

A Message To Be Heard

I am a faithful listener to Rob Bell, pastor of Mars Hill Bible Church. This past Sunday he gave a message title, "Calling all Peacemakers Pt. 2". You can listen to it here .


Its long, but if you skip ahead 10 minutes, it will save you some time. I beg you to take the time and listen. Don't think about taking the time, don't intend to take the time...take the time. DO IT!!!

Are You Ready For Some Futbol?

Finally sitting down to write I feel dazed and confused about life these past several weeks. I’ve been unable to write, and finding myself going through the motions a little. Luckily, I’m safe from falling into complacency. Why? I’ve discovered something really important this week. It’s not anything that I’ve never been taught; yet I haven’t truly embraced its importance until now. What is it?

Who we surround ourselves with determines more about who we are than what we’d like to think.

I will not, and refuse, to find myself in complacent living. Chasing after the status quo is dangerous and many of us do it. I’m sick of the status quo. I will write more on this at another time. The point of this entry is to update many of you on what is currently happening in Chi-Town.

First let me start from the beginning. The organization I work for is called INTRSCT. Its existence is an amazing God story. Ask me about it sometime.

INTRSCT has two sites in Chicago. The first site is located on the northside of town, predominately along Lawrence Street.

It’s amazing at how diverse the city is and sad at how segregated it remains. The north site is predominantly Hispanic, but also is strewn with Palestinians, Brazilians, and several Puerto Ricans. An after school program takes place there throughout the week and is ran by INTRSCT guys and gals. Since this site is more established, relationships are deeper with students allowing activities outside the after school program take place.

On the first and third Saturdays of the month we have 10/10. This is basically a youth service, but at the same time nothing like it. We talk about Jesus of coarse, but many of these kids have never gone to church.

On the second and fourth Fridays of the month we have soccer. Many of the kids, usually around twenty, come to participate in this event. We meet at the church around 10:30 pm, have a short Bible study, load up in a van and several cars, then travel to INTRSCT’s largest supporter, Chi-Town Futbol. We then play soccer till nearly 3am, its awesome!!

Our second site is located on the Westside of Chicago in the Austin area. This is where I work. I love it and my heart is drawn closer to those kids and their lives each day I’m with them.

Lastly, INTRSCT is involved with Breaking Bread, a ministry of LaSalle Church. We are unofficially official leaders in this homeless ministry and partake most every Monday evening.

There is much more to come, my journey is only getting started, so please stay tuned.

A Poem From Austin

The following poems were written by a 6th grade girl in Austin. Her name is Kimyatte. Each day she wins my heart more and more, as many of them do. I don't know if these poems will impact you, but they keep me awake at night. Here's a glimpse into a life none of us will ever experience.

LOCKED UP

Locked up behind bars; you can’t see daylight you can’t even see stars. Locked up in a place that is lonely; the ones that you miss aren’t your one and only. Locked up arrested by cops; your only job is working with mops. Locked up they won’t let you out; no matter how much you scream, holler, or shout. Locked up you say it doesn’t matter; but when you get out all your dream just shatter. Locked up you say it aint true; but the one who’s really locked up is all you. You’re locked up with no where to go; and you say to your self “say it aint so.” But it’s true because it’s you; now you sitin up in there all down and blue. He’s locked that man is gone; and just when you thought, he was the only one. He’s locked up and you may feel sad; especially when that man is your dad.

YOU'RE GONE

You’re gone you’re gone you’re out of life; and you weren’t even old enough to have a wife. You’re gone and out of sight; you were like a son to Terreca dispight the fact that you loved to fight. You were a cousin to us all and now you’re gone;

You left us but you’re not the only one. You will be missed dearly but never the lest; L.F. loves you and we are all here to put you to rest.

We are all here to put you in your grave; and to honor a young man who was very, very brave. You’ve always been loved by people around you; I just want you to know that I love you too. You’re gone and never to return again; you were a lovable young man who was never plain.

You’re gone you’re gone and we are left with pain; now that you’re gone life will never be the same. You left without warning, life is a dread; but you have no life now that you’re dead. Dontay you weren’t related to me by blood; but my cousin kept you out of trouble and out of the hood.

Starting in January I'm going to be teaching a writing class in Austin. God has a sense of humor. After I read "Writing For Dummies" I hope I can continue what Kimyatte has started. These kids have a story to tell, pray I can help them tell it.

And Now It's Christmas

It was 12 degrees outside today...perfect weather for picking out the perfect Christmas tree. Take a look at our little journey.


This is the wonderful vehicle that got us there.


Did I mention we were in an accident? It wasn't bad, especially for my "beast" of a car. We were all fine, all but the front of her car. The bumper of baby blue only had a scratch.


Adam and I had to check out the nativity scene.


After a cold walk and inspecting dozens of trees, we found what we came looking for.


Hacking away at our spruce!!!


Oops..I broke it


It's finally down!!


Two things learned today. First, don't break your axe when cutting down your Christmas Tree. Second, don't pick a tree so far away from your car.


Making sure the tree won't fall off.


Jordan and I. This picture could come across as a litte gay. Don't worry. we like girls.

Now it's time to decorate. I suggest getting a real tree and cutting it down yourself. You feel more like a man, at least for a split second.

What I "Want" For Christmas

Today I’m off to brave the treacherous cold in hope to establish a new tradition: The cutting down of a real Christmas tree. Supplies: 4 guys, 1 axe, and a ’91 baby blue Chevy blazer. Obviously we will travel some distance to find this tree since we are in Chicago. Wisconsin here we come!!!

We were inspired by the best Christmas movie ever, National Lampoons Christmas Vacation . If you haven’t seen it, it’s truly a Christmas Classic.

As I thought about Christmas this year and the guaranteed question, “what do you want for Christmas? I couldn’t come up with an answer, until now. My family will be happy with my decision as I have decided this, I want nothing this Christmas. I mean it. If someone gets me something I will return it. I WANT NOTHING.

It’s not that I’m not thankful for your kindness; I simply don’t “need” anything. This year I want Christmas to be different, I want Christmas to be Christmas, a celebration of life and love.

I don’t know what you’re thinking about this unnecessary response to Christmas this year. I haven’t really been doing things normal lately, and guarantee I won’t in the near future. I will, however, accept gifts to give to others in the city. There are a lot of people that haven’t received a gift for sometime, this year I’m finally going to make good on my intentions and do something about it.


I encourage you to read this article I found this week. It’s called, The Face of Generosity Let it speak to you.

The Train Ride

I have the luxury of traveling a few short minutes, ending up in the center of American luxury and consumerism. I love downtown Chicago. Since I can remember my family traveled frequently to the city shopping, eating, and enjoying the Christmas lights.

Those memories are precious. I cherish the innocents I had in that magical place then.

Tonight I traveled into the city alone on my way to meet up with several college friends. I took the Redline train thinking I would have a nice, peaceful ride after a long day of serving coffee.

> A Quick God Moment

I hesitate to share this with you; however, I believe it’s important for someone to hear. Today I started work at 5AM. I haven’t seen 5AM in years, well… not on the waking up side at least.

A lady came in today and ordered a coffee, nothing unusual. She then proceeded to spill it all over the table she was sitting at soaking her coat, purse, scarf, and newspaper. I sincerely felt bad for her and then realized it was my job to clean it up. Then I started feeling bad for myself. “That sucks,” I thought in my head.

As I helped the lady clean her things, she profusely apologized. I assured her it was fine and happened all the time. She went into the restroom and I continued to clean her spill.

I am not sure why God uses weird situation to speak to us, but I felt during that moment God spoke to me. Here I was, graduated from college, had an extremely lucrative job several months ago, and now I am cleaning up someone’s coffee. I suddenly smiled while thinking, “Lord, your ways are higher than my ways. Your thoughts higher than my thoughts.”

The joy I felt at that moment was indescribable. I’m making minimum wage, cleaning someone’s coffee mess, and never have I felt more joy and happiness in what I do, even at 5am.

I’m not saying that you should leave your dreams and desires and go work at a coffee shop or something to that nature. This is my story, my journey. Go find your dreams!! I do encourage and invite you to live radically. For you, radical may look different than what it does for me. I don’t understand the radicalness of Christ and his message.

I do know this. We shouldn’t be surprised, then, that to follow Christ is to abandon the luxury of safety and security. It looks different for all of us. Never give up your search. No matter how crazy an inadequate you may feel at times, press on.

> Back To The Story

As I loaded the stuffy and overcrowded train, I found a place to stand next to a loud drunken man (I figure this ride was going to be interesting). The gentleman he was sitting near quickly had enough and moved through the crowd near the front of the train.

What happened next shocked me. The drunken man began talking somewhat suggestively to a little girl sitting with her mom. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. In shock I froze and so did everyone else. This girl couldn’t have been older than 6 and by her body language, she expressed great discomfort, eventually pulling herself as close as she could to her mother. The man then insisted he didn’t want to hurt her, just talk.

It all happened so fast, but next thing I knew I had extended my hand and asked the man what his name was. “What’s your name?” he slurred somewhat shrewdly. I politely said, “Ted” and he then told me his name, Billy. Billy openly admitted to me, and to the entire train, he was high and drunk. “Ya think,” I thought to myself. After Billy had called me a liar, threatened to beat me up, and said he wasn’t talking to me anymore we arrived at Chicago Avenue, my exit. Thank God!!

As I got up to leave he was still talking. Billy suddenly turned nice and told me to have a good day and gave me five. As I walked out of the train I heard him yell, “take care.” Fortunately the little girl and her mom got off at that exit too. She thanked my again and again saying how they were new to the city and thought it was very scary, especially at that moment. After making small talk for several minutes, we said goodbye and went our separate ways.

This story certainly isn’t a story showing any courage on my part…I don’t know how I started speaking with this man. Looking back, I was in such shock at first its as if God took over and used me through my momentary standstill.


I had a good time hanging with my friends. We went to Gap and noticed they were pushing their (RED) product.

Go buy some and help stop aids in Africa.

It’s at least something. The world won’t change unless someone takes a step. It may be small, but it’s better than no step at all.

I leave you with this.

We are at war. We are at war with ourselves (We are so selfish, our default mode is me). We are at war with others in the name of freedom. We’re in bondage to our freedom.

Again, Love Wins!!!

It may get you killed, but in the end it will win.

Love Recklessly.

It’s our only hope. We fight violence with peace, hatred with love, and oppression with servanthood. Jesus was crucified not in spite of His love, but because of it.

I’m here, you’re there. We’re still in the same boat. Hurting helpless people all around.

Sometimes all we can do is ask questions and show we care, even if their drunk, high, or possibly worse. I didn’t get far with Billy, but for some reason I was on that train at that point in time and so was he.

Trying To Keep Jesus In His Box

It’s interesting to me that we can, and do, make such a big God small. In fact, we like to keep Jesus in his nice little comfy box. I mean honestly, our lives would be unstable if we let Jesus get out. He’s safe where he is, or well, I guess we’re safe where he is.

Ok, cutting to the chase, here’s my point. Our preconceived notions on how, when, and essentially why God works screws us all. We miss God. It’s not because he isn’t working, it’s he’s working outside our box and we think he’s safe inside. I don’t have an earth shattering experience or an “edge of your seat” story, but I am discovering through my own thoughts of God, I’m suffocating him. He’s dying in his box. For God sakes, literally, let him out!!!

I’m not a writer and certainly not a speaker. Never have I attempted to write anything of worth, especially throughout school, and when I had an opportunity to speak…well I did it because I felt I had to. Suddenly now, God seems to be throwing a wrench into my current plans. I am comfortable just serving and living my life in front of nobody. In fact, as much as I like attention, I hate it when the attention is on me in expectation. Next thing I know I’m writing, people are reading (I think), and God starts having me go talk at places. Who’d have thought, certainly not I.

I don’t know exactly why I tell you this. You probably don’t care, but then again it’s my blog, I can write whatever I want. I hope it screws you up!!! Actually, I hope everyday I end up more and more screwed up. I don’t know how you can truly read the Bible and not be shaken. Well…I guess I do, but try and read it differently.

Jesus is a nobody from Nazereth. Seriously. This guy was born in a barn with stinky animals. You ever drive in the country before the farmers plant? Imagine that smell as part of your welcoming party. I do believe he is the Son of God, but from the outside looking in, our society would describe him as a “shame to fame” story with a crappy ending. Now, he’s turning some of our lives into, what the world would consider, nonsense.

Sometimes when I’m working with the kids in Austin I think, “What in the world am I doing?” God, this is pointless.

Yesterday for instance, I was with the high schoolers in Austin. They insisted on playing a “friendly" game 50. Being naive and new, I had no idea what 50 was, yet I was in. Come to find out 50 is a warped game of PIG, except it ends a little different if you lose. Cakes is one of the kids that comes everyday to the after school program. “Cakes” isn’t a clever name by the way. Let’s just say Cakes has had a lot of cake in his life. Sadly, he isn’t athletic and usually loses, especially in this game.

When six or seven of the boys realized Cakes had lost, they swarmed around him and began punching his face and body without mercy. A few minutes later I finally got them to stop hitting and kicking Cakes. I quickly learned this is the price for losing in 50. Though I felt bad for Cakes, I’m glad I didn’t lose.

As you can imagine, it can feel defeating working with these kids. I won’t lie, some days I struggle to find hope in their lives. However, I realize this is when I’m trying to keep Jesus in his box. Let him out!!!

If you don’t let him out, I don’t think that’ll stop him. It’s his story anyway; you just get to be apart of it.

I was working at Starbucks just the other day enjoying some Christmas music. As I was learning about coffee, my manager called us into the back for a quick meeting. She expressed with great disappointment that people had been talking a lot lately about religion. “It’s not acceptable and needs to stop,” she said. We all agreed to it and the meeting was over.

Walking back behind the counter I noticed “Oh Holy Night” was playing. It was as if it was on cue, the next words playing throughout the store were, “Christ our savior is born.”. I’m not sure if the others noticed it, but something dawned upon me at that moment. Call it an epiphany if you will. No matter what we, as Christians, or anyone else tries to do, Jesus is to big for a box. He’s bigger than our can’ts, won’ts, shouldn’ts, shoud’ves, and could’ves. He’s bigger than our motives, desires, words, hearts, and situations. He’s just BIG.

I know this isn’t like a reforming concept, but ask yourself, do I have Jesus in a box? Why does God seem so different in other places? Ok, we know God isn’t different, but why do others worship him so differently than I? I don’t know you tell me.

But, do Jesus a favor, let him out of his box you have him in. Whether you do or you don’t it doesn’t matter, he’ll get out.

Thankfully Alive

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, we asked the kids what they were thankful for. Their answers were startling. Many of them said, “family,” but all of them said, “I am just happy that I’m still alive.”

I know that many, if not all of us, are grateful to be alive; however, I don’t remember that being at the top of my list when I was 7 or even 15 years old. I’m continuing to understand that life for them, well it’s much different than life for me.

Dante’s family will have one less person around the table this Thanksgiving as many families around America, possibly even yours, could’ve lost a loved one this year. Yet, this situation, its different. Life is no guarantee for any of us and we know that. It’s just a much different “no guarantee” for many of these kids on Laramie and Ferdinand Street.

Dante died just outside the church. Those kids are at the church everyday walking past the very spot some of them watched Dante take his last breath. “Thankful to be alive,” yeah, I am, but it’s just a little different for them.



This is Paris (playing the drums) and several other high school students who take part in our music lessons given on Wednesday nights. Obviously I don't give them.


This is the street where many of our kids live. Ferdinand street is know to be the worst drug street in Chicago, according the the Chicago Police Department. As I left tonight there were four squad cars blocking the street in a drug search. Sadly enough, this isn't an uncommon sight.


This is my girl Shaniqua. I never thought I would meet a girl with that name and now I finally did. We like to throw around a football together.


This is Money. Yes, that's his real name. He is three years old and I have never met someone so "ghetto." He's throwing up a little sign as he gets ready to leave.


This is my boy, Monte, who gets a kick out of lowering and raising the rim while others shoot. We have a lot of similarities; he pushes things to the limit.

Look At Me, I Do "Real" Ministry

“I don’t want to become the very thing I despise”

This morning I had coffee with my buddy Jordan. We caught up on life and had some interesting topics of conversation, one of those being women. Women are the most complicated things on the planet; maybe that’s why guys fall in love with them. That’s a whole different post that I will never write.

Ok, getting on with it. I have some important things to say so listen up, or would it be read up?

This is not a knock on the person that said this, but one of ya’ll made the statement to me that I am doing “Real” ministry. I could call it what it is, but I am trying to clean up my language on this blog (It’s for you Derry).

So ministry huh? What is it? Why is mine real and yours isn’t. Matthew 9:12 Jesus says, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.” This leads me to my next question, who’s sick?

Well, we all are!! I’m sick! You’re sick! They’re sick!! We’re sick!!

Thankfully we have a Creator who cares!!

I believe the church is the hope of the world, however, I don’t believe that the world sees hope coming from the church.

The thing I just can’t comprehend is that Jesus believes in us. He trust us to be his hands, his feet, and most importantly, to have his heart. Is that where we are? I sure don’t feel that way.

I said earlier that I don’t want to become the very thing that I despise. What do I despise? Two things, first I despise the heartlessness of myself and many other Christians.

I never want to sound condemning, but more so sound compelling. When I write, well, I simply let my heart speak. This is truly what I think the world needs, people that live out their heart and are not held back by their head

There is something to be said about God giving us a brain. Obviously, we’re supposed to use it. I just think that we use it too much and for the wrong reasons. I am certain we all have “good intentions.” I lived on good intentions most of my life. I always “intend” to wake up and spend time with Jesus, I don’t do it all the time though. I even “intend” to tithe, but sometimes I am selfish with things that aren’t mine to begin with

I always know the things I should do, but more often than not, I am either to scared to act or I justify God’s leading with some excuse why I can’t or won’t. Sound familiar in your life? It’s my reality.

Secondly, I despise how we put ministry (I hate that word) in a box. Here’s what I mean:

I’m here in Chicago living my passion, not so much my dream. I dreamed of big house, big job, big car, big family, and big ministry. That’s what I thought I wanted. My head told me those would be good things and it wouldn’t be bad to obtain them(I’m not saying it is either), but my heart…my heart was different. My heart was set on the poor, lost, brokenhearted, lonely, and inner city kids. My near fatal flaw was that I tried to combine both head and heart. I felt like I was serving two masters in a sense. Basically I wanted my cake and wanted to eat it too. Me, me, me!!

It’s ok now though, I am doing real ministry? (if you haven’t noted the sarcasm yet, I think we need to talk!) Not really, I’m just living out my heart. Ironically, as each day passes by, my heart and my head are becoming one, finally. My heart fuels my dreams and desires. David writes that God will give you the desires of your heart. I’ve never understood that verse, but it’s making more sense to me. Thank goodness God loves us so much to never give up on us!!

Be careful though. I know its great and cool to read some of my stories. Yet, as I discovered by talking with Jordan this morning, my heart may be set towards the poor, but it cannot forget the rich (I mean rich as in having most of their physical needs met. Even if you can’t pay your bills you’re richer than most in our world). If I do, well then I am becoming the very things that I oppose. I would just be neglecting the exact opposite.

The rich business men that I see walking in and out of bars each night need Jesus just as much as Michael does. The only thing is it’s easier to meet Michael’s needs than the business mans. Both are people, both are lost, both need a savior.

Real ministry?…real ministry is this. Carrying out the heart of Christ. Jesus changes everything. He brings hope to the hopeless, company to the lonely (careful, he might use you to do so), and joy to the joyless.

Check this…The first time I visited Chicago I meet a couple Rudy and Diana. They have been homeless for 25 years. The guys I live with decided they would commit to helping them in whatever ways they could. That was over two months ago and by God’s grace and help, Rudy came to pick up some things from our house this morning, he and Diana are moving into an apartment today. Their lives are changed.

Let me tell you about Joe. Joe comes to Breaking Bread every Monday night; however, Joe won’t be coming anymore, well not out of need at least. Joe has been homeless for a long time until someone reached out. Now Joe has a home and a job. It’s amazing how a little act of love can change one person’s life: possibly forever.

Lives are being changed because people are following the heart of Christ. Jesus, Friend of Sinners. That’s my favorite name for Jesus. He was friends with them, loved them, gave them hope and acceptance, now peoples lives are not the same.

Are we up to it church? Let's put hope back into the church. Let’s love with reckless abandonment. I’m not saying you’ll never feel burned, but its worth the risk of possibly changing someone life.

I believe in us because he believes in us!!

Chi-Town...What's Goin On?

I love this town. Driving to church today, I was somewhat in awe as the Chicago skyline filled my windshield traveling east on 90/94. It was beautiful. Much different from the corns fields back home which posses their own unique beauty.


I attend Lawndale Community Church on the Westside of town. I was introduced to this church nearly one year ago. The first time I went I wanted desperately to go back. I told myself if I ever lived in Chicago that would be my church. Here I am and it certainly is. I never actually thought it would happen, but how blessed I am that it did.

The diversity and heart behind the church resonates with my passions. Especially when I walked past a youth class that was learning the books of the Bible in flow with a rap beat in the background. I would have been down with that as a kid.

You should come check it out. I would love to show you Christ fully alive in the same room as blacks, whites, Latinos, and many other races and ethnicities. I find myself, at times, looking around wondering how close Lawndale’s worship service will be to our experiences in heaven. All people of all nations worshiping our Creator, even those our nation currently fights against.

I had a lot of driving time this weekend since I traveled to Marion, Indiana for a wedding. It was my first time out of this environment for weeks. As I made the four-hour trip, my mind drifted off into deep questioning. I was reminded of a life changing experience that happened early in high school. This experience has and will affect me the rest of my life.

In 2000 I was in Toronto, Canada for a youth missions conference. I was extremely immature in my faith and certainly questioning the relevancy of Christianity, especially in my life. One night, our group took time away from the conference to clear our minds. We eagerly ventured into the city that night. We were all energized by the opportunity to experience new things and simply just get away.

We walked around the city creating quite a ruckus. I can just imagine what it must have looked like as fifty teenagers walked around laughing, yelling, and jumping on things we probably shouldn’t have been.

I remember being oblivious to my surroundings that night. Besides, it was my time to wind down, relax, and not think about a thing. I was yelling at one of my buddies behind me, then suddenly I stepped on something large and wobbly.

As I turned around to look and see exactly what I had stepped on my heart literally plummeted to the ground. Squirming from the pain that had just been afflicted, an old woman in a filthy light blue sleeping bag helplessly tried to cover her head as she sank deeper into her home. I was in shock!! How was I so senseless? Was I not paying attention? Where did she come from? Why was she in the middle of the sidewalk?

Then I did the most heartless thing I’ve ever done, I kept walking.

I can’t imagine how she felt laying on that sidewalk. I’m still ashamed to even think about it. The inhumanity of someone stepping on another human curled up on the street and then continuing to go about their business saying nothing. How worthless and unimportant she must have felt. Little did she know of being in the way of a Christian group spending time away from “ministry.”

Luke 10:25-37 tells the story of the Good Samaritan and those (a priest and Levite) who left the man naked and half dead on the side of the road. Jesus is obviously telling a parable, but for me, that verse has become a reality, a true-life experience, and I, I kept on walking.

Today I still see that weathered, light blue, sleeping bag on the ground. I can’t help but be changed by that experience. I admit that I still walk by homeless men and women with little or no thought. I wish that weren’t true, but to my shame it is.

2 Corinthians 9:10-12 (MSG)

God can pour on the blessings in astonishing ways so that you're ready for anything and everything, more than just ready to do what needs to be done. As one psalmist puts it, He throws caution to the winds, giving to the needy in reckless abandon. His right-living, right-giving ways never run out, never wear out. This most generous God who gives seed to the farmer that becomes bread for your meals is more than extravagant with you. He gives you something you can then give away, which grows into full-formed lives, robust in God, wealthy in every way, so that you can be generous in every way, producing with us great praise to God.

As this verse states, I am throwing caution into the wind. I don’t have much to give except the love and grace that has been given to me. Tuesday night be in prayer for me. I can’t tell you what I’m about to embark on, however, I’m certain I’ll never be the same.

1 Corinthians 9:19-23 (NIV)

Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel ,that I may share in its blessings.

College One More Day

So…Here I am, back at the WU (Indiana Wesleyan). It almost feels like I am back in college. Well, for one day at least. I woke up this morning and went to breakfast, which I only recall doing several times throughout college.

How do I explain my life these past 3 weeks. I have already been asked several times, “what are you up to?” “Um, I work with kids at an after school program.” Obviously it’s so much more, but how do I explain it.

I miss college life. My breakfast this morning was already made for me. Whatever I wanted was right in front of me (still went with cereal though). I forgot what that was like. As I sit here in the coffee shop I spent hours “studying” in, I struggle with a disillusionment that is haunting me.

This place was my life for four years and today, for the first time, I feel like a foreigner. I couldn’t even find the cereal this morning at Baldwin. I walked around for 10 minutes until I found it mysteriously hidden in a corner. I felt like a complete loser searching the entire place on my mission for a bowl of Raisin Bran.

Months ago I sat in the same seats at the same tables, yet today, today was not the same. The eyes that I look through see things differently. It’s a strange and awkward feeling. I look like I fit in, but I feel so out of place inside.

The feelings I am experiencing aren’t negative, they’re not positive either. It feels as if I am at the dentist and have been numbed with novocain, yet it’s my emotions that feel detached and untraceable.

All things considered, I know that part of my discomfort came from driving around Marion. Like I mentioned earlier, I was there for 4 years and several blocks from my school many kids are in similar home environments and loveless surroundings that are daily realitys for those in Austin.

What was I doing for four years? Why now and not then?

It’s an easy answer…I was normal!!!

I was busy.

There is nothing I can do to get that time back. There is nothing that regret can accomplish. Here’s the greatest part of all our God stories: they're not over!!!

Yesterday I sat around a table with 8 of our high school students. Dante quickly became the topic of our conversation. As a memorial to a dear friend Tete, one of our kids, had Dante’s name tattooed on his forearm.

“We’re gonna kill’em,” they said as we asked what they think should be done in Dante’s memory. Shocked at what I was hearing, I just sat there and said nothing. Our site leader, Zach, asked them what they thought would be solved by taking another life? “We need to get them before they get us!!”

Wow!!

What do you say? Two wrongs don’t make a right? Yeah… I have used that response when telling children not to hit back, but this, this is taking a life of another human being. This isn’t a little punch or kick, this is death. Sadly enough this was their only answer for justice and “peace” in the neighborhood.

Can we blame them?

I was reading the news the other day and saw the usual headlines, “More dead in Iraq.” We are a nation that takes retaliation to heart and acts upon it. I know 9/11 was a tragic and horrific incident. I will never forget where I was when I saw the second plane crash into the World Trade Center. It was surreal.

Our response: WAR.
Our result: MORE DEATH.

Who is more justified?

Both incidents are responses to lost live(s). It’s simply a matter of opinion as to who is right and who is wrong. Sadly enough, our words of love, peace, grace, forgiveness, and Jesus were empty and irrelevant to those kids. They’ve never seen it. We’ve never shown it.

Where do you go from here? I don’t know. Do we plead, beg, and pray that the killing would cease? Yeah, yeah we do, but we also (that means you and I) need to show the world that Jesus is better than our hate. Jesus is better than our differences. Jesus is better than anything you’ve ever experienced. Jesus is better!!! His grace, his peace, his love, his forgiveness, and his sacrifice is worthy of our death, our death to ourselves.

Come. Come die with me. I’m tired of walking past the homeless. I’m tired of hate. Tired of death. Tired of people shooting people. Tired of people feeling alone. I’m tired of those commercials showing millions of starving children (It hurts). I’m just tired or it all.

I beg you. I beg myself. Die. Die so that he may live inside you. Die so that his love will be made perfect through you for others. Don’t sit back four years like I did. Now’s the time, today’s the day.

Colossians 1:24-27

Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.

Christ in you. Christ in me.

Jesus is better. Let’s show it!!

We're Friends

This is my friend Michael. He was sleeping today as I went to visit him. This is also his home. Be praying for Michael. He is a loving guy who needs to simply accept love and begin to love himself.

Christianity Sucks

“I’m sick of my church feeling like a community center.”

Believe it or not, a member of the local church we work with made this comment.

What is the church? I have struggled with this question for several years. While we’re at it, what is a Christian? I have no idea. Well… let me rephrase this; I know what our church culture says a “Good” Christian is, I just don’t agree with it.

Brennan Manning says in his famous book, The Ragamuffin Gospel (highly recommended), “A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God.”

So…I am perplexed with two very important questions: What is the church? What is a Christian?

To the man who is sick of his church feeling like a community center…GREAT!! Your church is being the church!!

I took a two-hour walk around the city a few nights ago and noticed something that astonished me. Corner after corner were 24-hour “adult” stores promoting their products of Adult Videos, Adult Magazines, and other really Adult stuff that I don’t know about.

As I walked by the guy looking at porn on the street I was dumbfounded, not because he was looking at porn but because as a society, it’s easier to find acceptance and love (obviously a distorted and perverted view of love/lust) elsewhere than for one to find it in a church. The sad thing is I’m just as guilty as any in allowing the church to be so extraneous.

What if? This may sound crazy, but what if the church was open 24 hours. Ok, ok, I know it seems like a stretch and maybe a little radical, but God, give us some radicals. Please!! This world is dying for people to believe in something; Even more so, people that not only believe but act upon that belief with passion and vigor.

I am shocked at the responses I have gotten from this blog. Some of ya’ll think I am doing some crazy ministry that you yourself couldn’t do. That’s a bunch of shit. Believe in something and act on it!!

I do have a confession…I lied.

I told some of you that I was getting paid for this (mom don’t be mad). Unfortunately INTRSCT is on the brink of having no money. I committed to coming with the understanding I wouldn’t be paid a dime for this. Crazy? Maybe. Do I care what you think? Maybe. But it won’t stop me from doing what I believe in.

I tell you this for one reason and ONE reason only.

Find what you believe in and do it!! If it scares you then it’s probably worth doing…I’m scared. Be smart, but be radical at the same time. I think we let logic guide us more than passion.

So what is a Christian? The obvious answer is someone who accepts Jesus in his heart; yet, man made up this entire concept. What does that mean anyway? I accepted Christ in my heart like 50 times. So what’s the deal?

I don’t mean to lead you down a dead end path with no answer; however, Christianity has become as meaningless and useless in our society as the word peace. You call yourself a Christian…yeah I know a lot of those. Go on Myspace or Facebook (lame that I have both) and you’ll see many claiming the title, but possessing few characteristics of a so-called “Christian.“

Ok Ted…what’s your point.

I see a movement of people, maybe who were once Christians, becoming Christ Followers. What’s the difference? Anybody can be a Christian, sit in your pew, take notes on a sermon, shake hands of the people around you, even attend a weekly Bible study, and yet, you still miss the entire teaching of Christ: love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and peace. But not everyone can simply claim to be a Christ Follower.

Being a Christ Follower calls you to act upon the very things Jesus said. Maybe Christians started off that way, but we have all watered it down. So here I am. I’m calling all Christi followers to live radically for the things you believe in.

You don’t know what you believe in? Then I ask, “What makes you feel alive?” I bet the answer to that question has something to do with it. In John 10:10 we are told that Jesus came to give us a more abundant life. Well, I went for a long time not feeling so “abundant” in my life. I don’t know the secret answer to your life or what will make you feel alive, but search for it. If it leads you to California, back to Indiana, and finally Chicago. Do it. I will support you. But never settle.

I’ve felt crazy the past several months. I mean come on; I went from gated communities to gated windows. Talk about two extremes. But for me personally, I can’t wait to wake up every morning, where before I didn’t ever want to wake up again. It’s strange what can happen when you believe in something, when you believe that maybe one kid will walk out of that neighborhood.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I hope as you carry forth on your journey with Christ that you never quit seeking things that you believe in. Remember, don’t get caught up in the entire picture of what your life will look like. Our culture constantly pushes us to do so. Take it a step at a time. I have no idea where my life will go, but today I am here and that’s all I need know.

Well...I Guess That Makes Us Friends

Many times as I sit down to write my experiences, words don’t give justice to what I see, feel, and touch. It’s like looking at a beautiful picture of Yosemite or maybe the ocean, and the grandness of what is being captured is reduced to a 5x7 portrait in a scrapbook or frame on your wall.

It’s like we can’t capture reality through pictures, let alone words.

Today brought about a wide spectrum of emotions for me. From lunch with Michael (my homeless friend), an afternoon sitting with students expressing their pain and frustration with losing a friend or family member, and finally eating with 80 homeless men, women, and children.

The toughest part of my day is coming home and sleeping with a roof over my head. Like today I asked Michael what he did in the winter since it’s so cold? He looked me straight in the eyes, saying, “I freeze Ted!” I sat there for a few minutes not saying anything because, well, I didn’t know what to say.

Maybe I focus too much on trying to “relate” to these different lifestyles and cultures I’m encountering. I guess I’m disturbed by my lack of commonalities that I posses. For instance, as Michael and I were sitting there talking the loudest ambulance I have ever heard passed by. You know, the type of loudness that vibrates your chest. Michael said, “oh there goes 80!!” Being the only one facing the street, I looked up and what did I see, Chicago ambulance #80.

At that moment it truly resonated with me. ] I can buy this man a meal, I can sit with him and talk about life, politics, and the weather; but no matter what… my life isn’t like his and won’t ever be. The sounds he hears everyday are the same that I do, yet different, this is his home. I am just passing through.

As Michael and I parted ways I said we should do this again soon. He said he would like that!! As I got up to leave he looked at the ground and said my name in a low and gentle voice. “Yeah Michael”, I replied. “I guess this makes us friends.” Yup Michael, that makes us friends!

I had a sick feeling when my eyes first saw the spot where a 15-year boy, Dante, lost his life 2 days ago. I “knew” him, but I didn’t ‘know’ him. It was certainly difficult to sit in a circle and look around as mixed emotions filled the air. Some of the kids left the circle trying to hide their tears.

I don’t know what will happen in Austin. Will there be retaliation? Will another kid lose their life over such senseless grudges? May your prayers be in Austin, but even more so, around the world.

I know I see only a grain of sand compared to the work God is doing. I challenge you all to JUMP, even if it’s back in Nappanee, Indiana. Look for ways that you too can see God in a new light. It won’t happen doing the same things you do day in and day out. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insane.

God’s calling us all to be Peter’s stepping out on the water. You might sink or worse…but you’ll never know unless you try. Sink or stand… I guarantee you’ll never be the same. Let’s try it together!!!

I almost forgot…

Funniest thing of the day happened at Breaking Bread tonight. I worked alongside Ray, who is an old gray haired black man. We worked the drink counter tonight making coffee and mixing juice for our guest. On our way to go pray Allen, another worker, was getting in Ray’s way all throughout the night. Finally, Ray had had enough and yelled, “Allen…out of my way!!” All while giving Allen the middle finger walking into the prayer circle.

Sometimes…enough is enough I guess!!

A Harsh Reality

I just received word that one of the students we work with in Austin, Dante, passed away today. I just talked to him on Thursday night. We sat on the front steps of the church as he drank a beer and smoked a cigarette. We had a good conversation about the police and how they are out to get everyone.

He wasn’t sick, he wasn’t playing in the street, and he didn’t drink too much. Dante was shoot and killed today as someone thought it was time for his life to end. He was 15 years old.

In all honesty I'm not sure what to think. I have mixed feelings of sadness, anger, and grief. We’re trying to get in the lives of these kids while others are trying to take it away. This is the fourth shooting on the block within three weeks. It’s almost becoming more of a war zone than a neighborhood.

Pray…pray for the kids…pray for the family’s…and pray for grace in Austin. Grace is so amazing, but so counter-intuitive to our nature. God give me Grace…

Just One More Shot of Vodka

Today I was in the mood for some coffee and since it’s like 2 bucks for a fresh brew at Starbucks I went with my alternative…McDonalds! It’s only 93 cents for a small coffee, get serious!!!

On my way to McDonalds I passed a homeless man sitting on the sidewalk. I felt inclined to speak with him but I chickened out. Besides, I had my Bible in hand and was on my way to spend time with Jesus. (Please note the parallel to the Samaritan)

Sitting at McDonalds I couldn’t get the man out of my mind. My time with Jesus was lame and I didn’t really connect with God, I just read. An hour or so later I couldn’t stand it anymore and headed back towards the street corner where the man had been sitting.

As I walked, fear began to elevate inside me. What would I say? Why would he talk to me? I would probably just bother him!! As I approached I noticed the man was still there. So…what did I do? I sat on the other side of him for nearly 15 minutes trying to debate if I should say anything or not.

I honestly don’t know how I mustered the courage to speak with him. I also don’t know why I was scared. I have talked to many homeless men and women before. I just spent Monday night talking with many of them. Why the hesitation? I don’t know the answer to this question, but we all have this feeling of uncertainty and doubt when it comes to speaking with or being around people, social groups, and cultures we’re not familiar with. I don’t think it’s bad to feel this way. It’s actually quiet natural.

Yet, I do have one qualm that bothers me greatly; when I allow those barriers to affect my desire to love others. It pisses me off when I think about what I did when I first passed this guy!!

St. Francis of Assisi said this, “It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching.” How true that is.

Back to the homeless man.

His name is Michael, and to shame my fear of speaking with him, he welcomed me with great kindness to sit. As we began talking I found out that Michael was a teacher in Chicago for many years, but somehow lost his job and ended up on the street. He proceeded to tell me that he taught history and english. Trying to be funny, I told him I have been to college and I still didn’t know where commas should go, but he seemed to drift off as I spoke.

Then about a minute later, or what seemed like a minute, I asked him what he did on the streets. ‘I drink,” he said. Really!! What do you drink? Vodka!! I told him that I enjoyed a beer now and then and had never had vodka. He then said he was waiting for his next drink and then, the moment he had finished talking, Dave the delivery man showed up. Dave was on his way to get Michael his daily shot of vodka. We did, however, make small talk about how beautiful the day was before he left.

I sat with Michael a few more minutes and asked him if he was hungry, but he said he was just thirsty. Shortly after, we said our goodbyes and decided that we would get something to eat together sometime when he was hungry. I told him I knew where to find him since he informed me he lived on the corner of Lawrence and Western Ave usually.

I tell you this story for two reasons. One, I want family and close friends to hear my experiences. If you think that I am gloating over things that I have done then I say you’re a fool (in a loving way of coarse).

My move to Chicago wasn’t something I choose because I wanted to be a “good” Christian. That’s B.S. (that means bull shit). I am realizing how much of a self-seeking, selfish, and sinful person I really am each day. If I shared with you, you would probably feel better about yourself, so we’ll leave it at that.

Secondly, I want you (whoever reads this thing) to be challenge through my challenges. We’re in this thing together. I beg you to try and break down your walls and open your eyes to the people around you. You don’t have to be in Chicago to meet needs, they’re everywhere. In fact I would argue that I kind of coped out and came here because it’s easier to meet needs here than other places.

With that said, let’s both, you and I,” do small things with great love,” as Mother Teresa said. It’s our love for each other and others that will draw them. Nothing else wins!!!

What The Church Is Going On?

I got a job…well kinda, only on Monday nights and the pay sucks because it zero.

Check this out though!!

There are nearly 20 tables and all of our guests come in at once. It’s pretty much like a restaurant with a twist. However, there is only one dish to choose from making my job easier. It’s not a very profitable business (obviously since being open one night a week and serving one thing). In fact, our guests don’t even pay to eat.

Ok, ok. That was my poor attempt to keep you drawn in as I tell you about a church that is taking serving the poor and needy to a new level. How often do you think a homeless man or women gets waited on? Well, they do on Monday nights at Breaking Bread.

Breaking Bread is a ministry that is put on by LaSalle church just north of the magnificent mile on LaSalle Street. On Monday nights around a hundred or so homeless men, women, and unfortunately several children gather to eat a meal together.

It’s one of the most amazing things I have witnessed. I mean that!!

Just imagine…You’re homeless. For whatever reason you have no home and society, for the most part, has written you off. Yet, there is one night a week where you go to a church and they roll out the red carpet for you. Live music (though a CD would sound much better than most songs played), plenty of food, and someone waiting on you hand and foot (It sounds almost like a place you would take someone on a hot date!!).

Not only do we have the chance to serve these people, we also eat with them. Get in their lives, hear there heart or just listen to whatever they want to talk about. The goal of the night…they’re a big deal!! What they say and need is of top priority. There are even nurses that do free HIV and hepatitis test for our guest.

Let’s just say I don’t know many “restaurants” you go to and the customers leave their meal halfway through to start an HIV test.

I tell you this because I believe this is it!!! It’s the church at its best.
Real People. Real Problems. Real Love.

Talking with the director, Keith, I learned about the history of Breaking Bread.

The pastor of LaSalle Church happened to look outside before the start of a Sunday morning service 4 years ago when God opened his eyes to all the homeless that loitered around. From there he knew that they (the church) had to take action. So, as a ministry they wait on homeless people as if they were attending a nice restaurant.

Amazing I tell you!!!

It was neat to hear Keith’s heart and passion for the ministry. After Keith and I talked he walk back into the kitchen and knocked over some pots and pans that concluded with a loud, “shit.” I laughed. Reason being, I think shit is a funny word that can be placed in most sentences and because I just heard this guy go off on his love for the Lord and .2 seconds later said shit.

Would Jesus ever say shit if he dropped something? I don’t know about that, but I know I do, especially when I am driving. Ooops!!

This may sound dumb to you, however, it’s encouraging to me that people are real about their faith and live out their passions even while swearing. Pull out your verses and say how wrong it is to swear, but leaving my “religious community” behind, I see so much true love in many broken vessels here…I say let the shits fly all you want, just let love reign in your life by loving each person you come in contact with and loving God.

Love God and Love People…the rest…well…the rest is just plain shit!!!

Sorry mom for my language…but I’ve heard you say it before.

Why The Hell Do You Care?

I am white! Who’d have ever thought that being so is a disadvantage in America? Spending time this week with the kids, I quickly found out that I am not viewed as a friend, an authority figure, or even someone that loves them, but simply another white man.

What we try to do at INTRSCT is teach kids responsibility, respect, and ultimately love. It sounds easy but I don’t think I’ve ever faced a more difficult mission. What happens to children who don’t have loving figures in their lives, especially their homes?

It’s tough to teach someone how to give something they’ve never received.

It’s easy for me to forget the fact that I grew up in a loving home that enable me to succeed. Many of our kids aspire to be “street pharmacist” when they grow up (many start in their early teens). Interesting. When I grew up I wanted to be a professional golfer, a little different than a drug dealer.

So, this brings me back to the question, “why the hell do you care?” That is what I am faced with. “You don’t know me!! You don’t know what it’s like to be me!!” I say to this, “you’re right.” I cannot relate to most, if any, of their family situations. I cannot relate to not having a father around. I cannot relate to taking care of my brothers and sister at the age of 15. So, what am I doing here?


Paul writes this to the Corinthians. “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” Paul said it two thousand years ago. Love Wins!! It’s the greatest thing in this world.

I may go off on a tangent here but please try and follow me.

In college I went through ministry classes and almost finished a ministry major. I don’t discount the tools that I learned in the program, but I do have something to say about what I didn’t learn. I wrote papers and even put together events for students to “experience” God. For some time I thought it was the lights, music, and food that contributed towards people encountering God. Sadly enough, I think I truly believed that. What really, and I mean really, concerns me is that never once can I recall a class or “ministry strategy” that simply involved love.

I challenge you, the church, and most of all myself, to put love first. Is there really a good reason why people are lonely, hurting, homeless, hungry, lost, and suicidal? Well, you can blame it on sin, you can blame it on our schedules, unfortunate situations, and you can even blame it on church obligations, but whatever excuses you find we have a problem on our hands. I don’t know what to do about it; I don’t know whom to talk about it with, and most of all I don’t know what to do with Jesus’ words and life.

I’m sick of my filter. I have been taught, even in my Christian world, to read the Bible in “context.” Obviously that is important considering Jesus said if your eye causes you to sin, gauge it out. Was Jesus serious? I don’t think he was speaking literally or most guys I know, including myself, would be wearing eye patches around. But, when he says, “love your enemies, “ I don’t think he meant we should kill them. Yet, we live in a world where we kill in the name of our God. And we wonder why Iraq and public schools have become war zones that have only worsened.

Could it be that were taking the wrong approach. Maybe, instead of force and death we should try love. That’s scary though. Look at where love put Jesus, on a cross. But if we are truly Christ followers, wouldn’t we then try to imitate our Master?

This is the first time that I have verbally confessed but I have been converted from a Uninformed Republican to a Pacifistic Lover of People. War isn’t the answer. Love is!! Love Wins!! I didn’t mean for this to turn political, but I think it has a lot to do with our mindset as Christians.

I ask the following question out of a sincere honest heart. “How can we be true Christ followers and kill one another?” If I am to be like Christ and, moreover, Christ lives inside me, how can I support death of any kind?

Our freedom as Americans is false. We aren’t free; we kill to keep comfortable in our “blissful“ society. This is bondage. Jesus came to show us how to live and we have formulated our own belief system to support a totalitarianistic society. I am completely at fault and guilty of this mindset.

I challenge you to think about what you believe and what you read, especially when reading the Bible. It will be interesting when we stand before the Lord and realize just how wrong we had things.

So, how do I relate to these African American kids? The only strategy, the only program, the only thing I know to do is try to love them. I can’t relate to their life or circumstances, but I can relate to their human need of love. Love Wins!!! It won in my life, let it win in yours.

Lord, please help!! Help me to have your heart and to love. Help me to love even to the point of death.