Revisiting Austin

It’s strange to me how we can forget so easily. Why is it that life changing events, experience, and challenges elude our mind so quickly at a seemingly seldom rate? Maybe you don’t even know what I’m talking about.

I spent this past weekend with 6 high school kids. Some of them are beginning the process of becoming drug dealers with a bleak hope for who they can and will become, some of them rising above their social pressure to remain “in the hood” and positioning themselves to get out.

One of our staff members and I took the kids to a basketball tournament in Kankakee, IL. On our way to the tournament I took 3 of the kids in my car. Scooby sat in the front seat with me. He has just started to come around and I hadn’t meet him yet, but I was assured I wouldn’t forget his name as it is “Scooby” and he had it tattooed on his left arm so I could it as I drove.

“Are we on the highway,” Scooby asked me. I replied, “well, kinda, we’re on Lake Shore.” “No way,” Scooby said, “I’ve never been on Lake Shore.” Later I found out that Scooby has lived in Chicago most of his life and Saturday was his first time on Lake Shore drive, not to mention his first time seeing Navy Pier. Scooby’s in high school, he’s been downtown Chicago once in his life. He lives 5 miles from downtown and I can see the Sears Tower clearly from his house.

One thing I’ve learned while being in Chicago is that stereotypes are paralyzing. I can’t explain to you how much my heartbreaks as I talk to students I work with and they admitting say how ashamed they are because they’re Mexican, African American, Puerto Rican, Middle Eastern, whatever.

Until I actually meet those whom I stereotyped I thought what I believed was true. I’ve come to find out my stereotypes aren’t necessarily true just believed by others. It’s said that we, even as Christians, act the way we do, say the things we say, and believe the way we believe about others people.

As I try to discover more and more about who Christ is I can’t get aside from the fact the love permeates from his life. But what does that look like from our lives? How does that translate into our social and political issues of today?

I haven’t been in Austin for 2 months. It’s only several miles away from my house and still, I haven’t visited. I did the very thing I said I’d never do…I became to busy. It saddens me that we have such good intentions as people, yet somewhere along the way we get a little distracted and find ourselves in a place we said we’d never be.

I was reminded in Austin who Jesus is. It’s funny that I have to go to a place where God’s seems so distant to be reminded of his nearness and love. I was reminded of God hope. Hope for that community, and hope for us all.

So I ask myself, When will I put aside my logical view of God, his love, and what I think it looks like? When will I accept a God who is endless in grace and rich in mercy? More importantly, when will I live my life with endless grace? When will my life be rich in mercy? When will I embrace the radical life of Christ? When will my love for others not make sense like his?

God really worked on my heart this weekend and during this week. Pray for Scooby as he has begun a cycle of hopelessness and despair in dealing. Pray he will embrace the hope, mercy, and grace of Christ.

May we be Salt and Light…

Waking Up

Waking up this morning I struggled on what I should write. I don’t know exactly what to tell you. Sometimes I feel like those of you who take the time to read this should hear something profound, something compelling.

But then again, what compels? What drives people to care?

I sat at my computer this morning thinking about what to tell you. What experience should I describe? I thought and thought and thought, yet I sat with my mind blank and my thoughts empty. But then, then I began thinking about the kids I see daily, some of their faces crossed my mind, and then...

Maybe this will give you a picture as to why I’m here and do what I do.

I know that across the world there are many horrible family situations that thousands upon thousands of kids go home to, live in, try to escape from, and feel defeated and hopeless because of.

I can’t imagine what it would be like coming home to jobless drunk men at 3pm, I can’t imagine what it would be like being afraid of those I lived with, I can’t imagine what it would be like to live in an abusive home. I can’t imagine taking care of my younger brothers and sisters at 15 and I can’t imagine succeeding in life in that environment, but..

Those are the faces I see daily, those are some of the stories I hear, some of the things I think about in the middle of the day,things I think about when I’m trying to fall asleep.

It’s those faces that lead me to the decisions I’m making, it’s those faces that alter my “plans” for success. There’s so many faces, so many stories, so many situations. It’s those faces that move me to go out to move others to take part in this.

What is this?

Salvation…see one thing I’ve learned is Salvation is so much more than what I thought it was.

I desire for these kids to experience Salvation. I want them to experiences the wholeness of Christ. I want them to experience the freedom of fear and pain. The freedom of goals and dreams.

I’m tired of seeing the innocent taken captive. I’m tried of half the gospel and I’m tired of injustice.

However, I can imagine…

I can imagine a way out of abusiveness, I can imagine godly role models steering the innocent to the wholeness of Christ. I can imagine those who rise up against the odds.

That’s why I’m here…and that’s what I think about…and that’s why I wake up in the morning.

Why do you wake up?

Just thought I’d ask…

and I'm back

This post is simply an announcement that on Oct 1st I'm officially returning to my blog after an extended vacation. I hope this message finds you well and ready for excitement and adventure. Undoubtedly I have exciting things to share and some challenges to propose to those who feel inclined to journey along with me. Until then... Ted

What I Base My Life On

I found something interesting this morning. I purposefully took the morning off from Starbucks to do absolutely nothing. I did absolutely nothing except finish a book I've been reading lately, Sex God: by Rob Bell. This book is loaded with rich, deep truths about life and faith.

I think we'd all live a little different if we'd actually believe, and lived out a lot of the content in this book, but I think its more common to just view it as a "good book."

Here's my point, Bell points out something profound. Not that I've never thought of it, but he puts it in a way where I don't feel "normal" and wish to remain "abnormal." It's about Jesus, it's about God, and it’s about you and I.

"He is born to a teenage peasants under questionable circumstances. His mother gets pregnant before marriage. He's born amid the dung and straw of a stable. he's placed in a feeding trough. His brothers and sisters thing he's out of his mind, and after his first sermon in his hometown, the people he grew up with form a mob and try to kill him."

Rob Bell ~ Sex God

And so the sophisticated Sunday morning, mid-week, bible study, etc..etc.. (our programmed worship) comes out of a deep desire to serve a God with this kind of plan to bring humanity back to himself...

I guess it feels like I'm apart of something a little more refined and well put together than that, but maybe I’m apart of something a little more radical, a little more unexplainable, a little more “crazy.”

Interesting…

Keep that in mind.

Where There’s A Beginning, There Must Be An End,

But also the beginning of something new…

I find our lives so interesting. We enter the world knowing nothing, spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out what’s right and what’s wrong, then, we die hoping that we had it right.

I guess I try to simplify it. Life is much more complex than that of coarse, yet in essence, there you have it…don’t be wrong…well, I guess that all depends on what you believe too!!

Faith is a bitch. It’s something you wonder about, you want it, you need it, you might even go through some, “trials,” and strengthen it, but then feel like you came back to the point where it all seems made up.

Even then you find yourself still believing…it doesn’t make sense.

Now I know all of that sounds extremely intense, but we’ve all been there (or maybe you have complete faith all the time, and if so…your weird.) I’m not at that point so much right now, yet I’m thinking about the bliss of being there. Complete confusion, sometimes it’s easier to live there than to know…or so it seems

Sometimes I don’t like the results!!!

I trust God, yet I don’t understand God.

I question Him a lot. Not in a “what are you thinking sense,” but more so in a, “why” sense. I feel like I’m the child that’s always like, why? Why? Why?

Monday night I found out that we’re leaving Austin.

Tough. Discouraging. Hurtful.

How do you tell kids that you love bye?

It sucks…but we don’t have the support to be there. It cost well over 100,000 to run that facility a year.

As I said earlier, where there is a beginning there is always an end, but there's always a beginning of something else.

We, INTRSCT, are leaving Austin, however, there is another organization moving in. Don’t know much about them except they’re a Christian organization that says the pledge allegiance to the Christian flag everyday as the get started.

I find that strange and many other things that I would rather not have record of saying!!

It is what it is, however I leave there changed. I’m not the same.

Yes I’m Ted, but no, I’m not Ted. Many of the same bad habits, yet with whole new persepctives.

I have some options, but I’ll refrain from getting into details on here.

I’m discovering life to be an incredibly unstable inconvenience that I love. It seems many of us have to have this "sense" stability reigning in our life…but that doesn’t make much sense to me. There’s nothing stable about living in the palm of God’s hand, except for, He, as God, doesn’t change.

I’m not leaving Chicago, however, I don’t know where I’m going to live or exactly what I’ll be doing…

Sounds like a solid plan doesn’t it?

But, as I think about thinking back on my life, ya know, coming to the end an all that.

Is there a better way to live?

Light in Austin

Here are some pitures from Austin Hope & Light. These are the kids I'm with 3 hours a day, 5 days a week. They're slowing becoming like family. A very different family than what I'm used to, but still, family. Pictures can't truly capture it, but here is life in Austin.

Done Listening To God

(I seriously encourage you to read this!!)

Last week I had the chance to spend a day at Indiana Wesleyan. I drove onto campus, like I had many times before. It felt so nature, almost like I hadn’t left.

As soon as I walked into the Student Center, it was back to normal, saying hello to people left and right. I did get sick of answering the question, “what are you up to?” but I understand, what else do you say to someone you haven’t seen for awhile?

Everything was as I left it, but then people started leaving, going to classes, studying, and whatever else it is you do in college, I got out my computer, checked my e-mail, then sat there, looking, watching, thinking.

Suddenly I began to feel uncomfortable, not for any particular reason either. Something in me told me to leave. So, I left.

I hopped in my car and started driving as if I had somewhere to go, which I certainly didn’t.

On a side note…

Do you ever sit around and contemplate, question, and evaluate everything you do? Some may find this hard to believe; but it’s something I do excessively, probably to a fault.

As I drove, I started taking a little trip down “memory lane”. Situations, people, and experiences that I’d completely forgotten about began to surface to my memory.

I began to recall my freshman year of college. I was an intern at JC Bodyshop, a local youth building that is ran by College Wesleyan Church. It was there that I had my first encounter with not only an after school program, but the African American culture (who would’ve thought?)

I continued to drive, I went past places I’ve seen often on the drive through Marion and then I saw places I’d never seen. I went down streets that I never knew existed. I drove past the Grant Country Rescue Mission, a place that I went to several times throughout my college career.

I intended to go there more often than I did. I truly wanted to spend time with the people there. I even called and put my name on a list to come and help out. My name was on the list…I got to busy, forgot about it, and never returned.

It was during this drive that I saw something about my life during college. I looked like a Christian; I talked like a Christian (well, usually), and most of the time, acted like a Christian. But, subconsciously I was done listening to God.


My senior year I went to a youth center to help restore and paint the building. This was before school started and I was there with my fellow Resident Assistants doing a “community project.”

















I felt drawn to this place when I was there. I even spent an extended amount of time with the couple that ran the place. I honestly remember the entire day like it was yesterday. See that picture. I remember the smell of the paint as I helped put The Community Youth Outreach Center on the front of that building.

More than I remember the day so clearly, I remember what God did in my heart. He asked me to spend my time at this place, it’s so clear now. He asked me to invest in the lives of those students.

I didn’t. In fact I directly disobey.

I was done listening to God at that point in my life. I had an agenda, a plan. There was something I’d already planed on doing and I wasn’t changing.

You might not care about the specifics, however, my senior year I choose to be a director of IWU Youth Conference. I even got to choose the theme and name it, Fusion…yay good for me… that was important!!!

Maybe it was, but I still disobeyed God.

I started to cry sitting outside the Outreach Center. I began to wonder what life would have looked like if I had listen to God. What decisions did I make because of that disobedience?

Looking at the situation now, looking at my life thus far, there hasn’t been a time I can recall where I so deliberately disobey God. It took me over a year and a half to realize my disobedience. When I did, it hurt.

I returned back to IWU and was able to spend time with some of my close friends from Taylor and IWU. I enjoyed my time with them, but I couldn’t get my experience that day out of my mind.

So…Why do I tell you this story? I don’t know…maybe you won’t make the same mistakes I’ve made.

You probably will though. It seems we only learn the hard way. Or maybe that’s just me.

I guess this brings me to where I’m at now. I’ve been in Chicago for over 6 months now and there are some issues at hand. All in one week INTRSCT has lost it’s main source of funding and we need to be out of our house by May 31st.

Oh, did I mention that we don’t have any money, or a sign of any money.

I didn’t sign up for this God!!! Or did I?

Now logic tells me to look for a “real” job, whatever that is!! However, I refuse to live by logic. I’ll debate with anyone that logic is a hindrance, especially in our faith.

I mean really, do we serve a logical God? If you answered yes, stop reading this and go read the Bible. Show me a God that is logical; show me a God that makes sense.

What I’m really saying is that God doesn’t operate on the “logical” rules of our world. He made things complicated with grace, love, forgiveness, and Jesus.

What do I do now? Good question.

I’ll start this time with listening, and doing, what God tells me.

If I don’t…

Let’s not go there again.

You Work And You Die...

The last few days I’ve thought about how I would articulate what I experienced this past Friday. I’ve concluded I’m not going to really talk about, on here anyway. What I saw and heard is to explicit to talk about, and, I probably will only talk about it to close friends, yet with that said, there is going to be opportunities to do this with me again. If you are interested let me know. If you want to know about it, call me. 916-549-5678.

I was planning on writing a lot today reviewing the past few weeks. However, I decided to spend the morning hanging out. I rode my bike to the beach and tried to quiet myself as I looked at the busy city life moving at light speed.

There I sat.

What are we working so hard for?

I question that often.

I Sleep During Church

As you can see, I keep going through these little spurts of busyness. The first thing to go, well it’s my blog for sure. I hate it that it’s this way, but sitting down and writing can become extremely hard for some reason. It’s 2:30am right now and I have to be at work at 5am. This is literally the only time I’ve found recently to write.

However, as I say that, a lot of the time it’s not even about the time so much, it’s simply that I don’t know how to describe the things I experience on a daily basis. My environmental extremes are astounding. I go from power driven executives getting their non-fat latte (just the way they like it) in the morning, to neglected children who’ve bought into the stereotypes we claim aren’t there anymore. It can be extremely draining.

The six months I’ve been here have been a wild ride; yet, I get this feeling that I’m barely seeing the tip of an iceberg.

Currently there are 20 college students sleeping downstairs. Their here to experience the city, to experience these kids, to experience urban ministry (if I must define what I do). It’s encouraging to see these students come in with passion and zeal to know God more today than yesterday. I forget about that sometimes.

Maybe it’s just late, or early, and I don’t know why I tell you this, but, I’ve found myself extremely irritable lately. I can’t determine what the cause of it is. Everything seems normal. Of coarse I am completely frustrated with Christianity, how I/we live our lives here as Americans, you know – the normal. There’s something just driving me crazy though. What is it?

Maybe the next few days will reveal more. I’m on my way to visit friends at IWU and Taylor Thursday. It’s been to long since I’ve seen them.

When I come back Friday night I’m going to this ministry that works with gay male prostitutes. I mean, I’ll be honest, I don’t know what to expect from this!! I do know that Friday night will be spent in gay bars till 2:00am striking up conversations with some of these people who are loved so dearly by their creator.

Actually, any of you who want to come Friday are more than welcome to join me. I have a place for you to stay; I’ll even pay for your gas and meals. Why?? I want us, you and I, to be changed. Not that this will be an answer or even will change you, but please, hear me out…I’m tired of seeing people caught in a boring and dead faith.

I sat in a church service today on the northside of the city just like that, boring, dead. It killed me to sit there. I wanted to stand up and scream; I don’t know what but at least everyone would have woken up!!! Am I being critical? Oh yes!! But, I’m not being judgmental. I believe those people truly love God; unfortunately they forgot Jesus came to give maximum life here.

Speaking of maximum life, it is usually what you hear as a possible result for a felony. And now speaking of felonies every single person I sit with at church has had one. Yes, somehow I’ve ended up sitting with the guy who live at the halfway house my church runs. Now this is the gospel to me, hope restored to the hopeless. It’s a simple gospel, we’ve just put it in a formula, made it complicated, and if the number doesn’t come out right, well you know how we react.

While it’s on my chest, let me be out of line. I don’t write these things to glorify what I do, or what I think. I think what I think and I do what I do. If it makes you feel uncomfortable…good…you probably need it.

However, if you just read this blog and think, “Oh, maybe I should like…I don’t know, love people more,” and then you’re an asshole to people the rest of the day, week, whatever, then stop reading this and go be one.

I’m sorry, I love people…I truly do, I’m not a hypocrite, but I’m just frustrated.

Will I see you Friday night? I honestly doubt it. Not trying to be condemning, but I certainly don’t apologize for saying that. I just know how it works. Most likely a year ago I wouldn’t have come myself. But don’t say you haven’t had an opportunity to see God in new ways or that he feels so distant. I found that to be an uncommon feeling in life the past several months.

Maybe I’ll regret a lot of what I said in this entry, but consider it a kick in the butt. I need it too. Look, now I’m accountable even more to live out my faith. It’s a two-way street!!!

I’m putting up these pictures of Haley. They are my favorite so far. Miss her tons!! Before I go however, I issue a challenge to you all. Are you comfortable? If you are, STOP being so…

I Ate Jesus

This past Sunday, INTRSCT was invited to Chicago First Nazerene Church in Lemont, IL. Along with our staff, we brought two girls from our Austin Hope & Light Ministry, Kimyatte and Ariel. Besides the fact that it was really encouraging that an entire church congregation believes in us and pays for the ministry, it was extremely humorous. When we first walked into the church Kimyatte yelled, “This church is raw!!” (meaning cool) as we were greeted with several plasma televisions.

As she looked around she asked me where all her people where? I said we’re right here, but I knew what she meant. They were the only two black people in the church.

The service began and we showed the video that I’ve posted on this blog, and our site director, Zach, gave an update about the ministry this congregation supports.

The service carried on as I sat next to Ariel who insisted on playing with my phone so she didn’t fall asleep. The service was good, normal, we sang, we listened, we sang again. Then, the pastor closed the service with communion. No big deal right?

If you could have only seen the confusion in the eyes of Ariel and Kimyatte, “we’re gonna eat?” We’ll not exactly guys!! First they passed around the crackers, I mean bread right? Ariel was confused why she was holding a cracker, but we told her to listen and we would explain later. “This is Jesus?” she said. “We’ll explain later Ariel,” as we tried not to be so loud as we sat in the front of the church. Then they passed around the grape juice and I couldn’t help but laugh when Ariel got excited and said, “oh man is that wine up in this cup?” “No Ariel, it’s grape juice,” I said as disappointment and confusion remained on her face.

We had communion, the service ended, and then it was time to eat. The pastor took us to this bling bling (very expensive) restaurant. We ate like kings.

Ariel and Kimyatte said on the way home it was one of the best days they can remember. It was for me too. It was interesting to see two cultures collide like that. I think better than interesting it was encouraging.

I heard a pastor say, some time ago, “Sunday mornings are the most segregated time of the week.” When I first heard this I thought it was ridiculous. As I thought about it more, gave time to process the statement, and now have witnessed unbelievable segregation in the church, this statement is unfortunately become a reality I believe.

It doesn’t have to be this way though. I would say 90%-95% of my church is black. I feel comfortable there. I feel like a person there, I don’t feel like a white guy attending a black church. In fact, I’m becoming close friends with a 60-year-old black man named Jerry there. We’ve been hanging out often and talk on the phone several times a week.

I guess my point is, I like to see cultures, races, ethnicities, and stereotypes collide. Or, another way to say it is, I like people living in tension with their beliefs and set ways. When it comes down to it, we’re people, loved by God and really, that’s all that matters. I don’t think we live that way, but that’s a perspective I try to maintain.

On a side note: Yesterday I made the commitment official to stay with INTRSCT till summer of ’08. It will be interesting to see where this journey takes me. Keep watching, God only knows what will happen.

Utterly Disturbing

I’m not sure to what extend the documentary is exaggerated, to what extent the kids are taught about the issues at hand, yet I am sadden, mad, disturbed, afraid, and ashamed. I’m talking about the documentary Jesus Camp. Months ago it was a hot news item, now the video is out, I’ve had a chance to view it, and as far as I understand who God is and what his son Jesus is about…this is far off. Watch it, question yourself, question the Bible, question how we, as followers of Christ, are seen with our terminologies and church lingo. Go to Camp!!!

Stay Away From Children...They're Dangerous

I mentioned several entries ago that I wanted to see Africa with my own eyes. It’s now official; on June 4th 2008, I leave for Kenya and Uganda. Currently I have no travel partner. I don’t care, I’m going. Is that dumb? Maybe. I’m still going though.

Why am I going?

This little girl, My niece, Haley.

There’s something about when I hold her. I never knew what would happen to me when I became an uncle. I didn’t know how it was going to affect me. Since December 13th life has been a little different with her around. I don’t get to see her near as often as I would like, but I think about her daily.

Several things have come together since I rolled out of bed that cold December morning at 3am. My passion for children has only gotten stronger. I don’t know why. Again, there’s just something about when I hold her.

Since the summer of 2003, I’ve had this desire to go to Kenya. The past several years I’ve written it off as just a desire, a dream. Shortly after this desire came upon me that summer I picked up a compassion child, Kelvin Mukundi.

I started sponsoring Kelvin when he was three years old. Now at six, I have the pleasure of watching him begin to grow. He lives in a little town just outside of Nairobi. I can’t wait to visit him.

I’ve already been in contact with several organizations coordinating my visit. The details are coming together.

So, what does Haley have to do with me going?

I guess she inspired me to finally go. I need to see these children, this place, the effect of aids on a society, child soldiers, refugees, and the poverty with my own eyes.

I don’t know what this will lead to or if it makes any sense at all. I know I just need to go, so, I’m going.

Don’t underestimate how a child can affect you, change you; it’s something I experience nearly each day. Haley is not even 3 months old, yet looking into her eyes, seeing her smile, as much as I love just her, I want that love to extend, really to all.

The countdown begins…

My Current Influences (February Edition)

I’ve been inspired by my beloved friend Derry to do my own little, what I’m Reading/Watching/Listening to section of the blog. We’re going to shoot for a monthly edition, but with me you never know.

What I’m Reading: To Own A Dragon by Donald Miller

Donald Miller does it again!! I enjoy Don’s writing because of his sincerity and gut level honesty about life. In this particular book, Don dives into the issue of not growing up with a father. Luckily I had an amazing loving father in my life. Some are not that fortunate, however, no matter how “good” or “bad” our father’s were growing up, we have this deep longing for God in our lives, our true father, and down the road our view of God can be thwarted by our earthly fathers. I recommend you read this book. It’s worth your time.

What I’m Watching: The Departed

This was just a good movie. I don’t suggest you watch it on a date or on a girls night, but fellas, if you can get passed the language, it’s a highly recommended watch. Matt Damen, Jack Nicholas, and Leonardo DiCaprio.

What I’m Listening To: Dave Matthews Band: Crash

This album debuted in April 1996. That’s nearly ten years ago, yet its still one of my favorites. I’m specifically listening to a song called Cry Freedom. Listen to the lyrics. I’m not great at interpreting lyrics, poems, etc…I guess I’m on another Dave Matthews kick, it usually happens once year and with the rumors of Dave playing at Wrigley Field this summer, (1 mile from my house) I’m loving it.

Youth Ministry At It's Finest

Last night was the first ever INTRSCT all nighter. Needless to say, it was humorous, it was youthful, it was ministry, ministry like I’ve been taught not to do.

The night started off with nearly fifty jr. high and high school students pouring into a church. This was seemingly normal for a youth event, then as we proceeded with the night it dawned upon me, we have no permission slips, no contact information for the students, in fact our leader, Dave, asked if I thought it would be a good idea to write down the kids names to know who was there…In my wisdom, I said yes of coarse.

Finally when the kids had all arrived and were running around rampantly, we had our planning meeting for the event. It was hard to concentrate as all the kids we running around but we had the night planned out after 15 minutes.

The night had all the elements of a normal youth event. Food, worship, message, games, sports, movies, racing throughout downtown Chicago in our cars to the soccer facility where we spent most of the night.

Surprisingly enough, it went smoothly. In all honesty it was the most intense and exciting overnighter I can recall participating in.

I can’t say there is a formula to youth ministry even though it seems each youth leader has their own philosophy as to “what works” and “what doesn’t.” I think the truth is we all make it up as we go trying to act like we know exactly what we’re doing.

This worked though, I don’t know how but it worked. Kids actually responded to the gospel, kids who’ve never attended church. It went against everything that I was taught in college about event planning. I guess we never talked about inner city ministry in college though. Either way, it doesn’t make sense. “If we fail to plan, we plan to fail.” Maybe, but ironically this worked, no plan…no real anything but Jesus, soccer balls, pizza, and a few guys dumb enough to think it could actually work…

Let Them Die

I’ve known about the Invisible children video for some time and until recently, I haven’t cared to watch the video for several reasons. (Click invisible to the right to visit the website)

First, I hate it when I watch something that is completely disturbing, moving, inspiring, detestable, and touching, then, well you know how it is, you go to the kitchen or out to eat, grab some dinner, then carry on with your life as the faint memory of the turmoil and despair remains from what you’ve seen.

Second, I feel completely helpless. A helplessness that is similar to the feelings I frequently have in Austin. Yet, that helplessness is often times quickly forgotten when I pick up one of those boys and instantly become the only father figure they have, or possibly have ever had. What responsibility!!

Be offended as I ask this, but do we really give shit about people? I mean seriously, we have choices. We choose to go to work, we choose what to eat, and we choose what to invest our time and money in. Here we are today…look around, utter despair and desperation for something beyond what we experience day to day.

I find myself remaining extremely uncomfortable. Not in a sense of obligation, yet maybe at times, but more in a sense of a God given passion to see the underserved and forgotten about remember and restored. Bono has made the statement that he doesn’t want to go to Africa and spend time trying to prevent aids, but no one else is doing it.

Please take the time and the money to watch this video and to constantly think about what we can really do to change lives near us or far from us. At the very least you’ll help out some people who care about what’s going on elsewhere.

A woman I highly admire said this statement that I think about daily. I’ll leave it with you. Do something, anything, just never let you yourself be…except just being in the presence of God.

“One of the greatest tragedies in the Church today isn’t that rich Christian don’t care about the poor, it’s that they don’t know the poor”

~ Mother Teresa

I'm going to Africa within the next year or so...mark my words...I need to see with my own eyes

My World

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The Love We Lie About

Where have I been? Right here…Just took a little time off. This past month I’ve been traveling around from Oklahoma City to Fort Wayne recruiting for INTRSCT, visiting friends, and simply living life.

I recently had the opportunity to speak at Nappanee Missionary Church. I want to give you a recap of what I talked about that night. It is a message that I need to hear more and more as I go through my day.


Throughout my life I’ve had a constant struggle: Who is this Jesus, and what do I do with Him? We say we have this “personal relationship” and maybe we do, but do we act like Jesus? Do we talk like Jesus? Do we walk like Jesus? Do we love like Jesus?

We’re going to walk through two priorities that should infiltrate our lives.

Priority #1: Discovering God’s Heart and Desires

It’s interesting to see how focused we are on finding God’s will for our lives, Books, T.V. shows, scriptures, sermons…you name it. God’s will for MY life…if I can just find it, then I’ll be able to serve God and then, He will be pleased.

LIE!!

I guess since most of our lives are consumed with our needs and desires, it would make sense that our relationships with God be so focused on us. Amazing life is about the opposite, everyone else.

I thoroughly enjoyed the book I Am Not But I Know I AM by Louie Giglio. He paints such a clear picture of God’s story and our part in it. It’s all His, none of it is ours, no money, no job, no nothing, but again, this is far from reality in most our lives.

It took me several major life experiences, possibly failures, to discover that I had it extremely wrong. It’s not about God’s will for my life, it’s about God’s story and me fitting into it. Two distinctively different approaches to how we view our lives, or tension points if you will.

There are two tensions points we find in our Christian lives. The first, taking Jesus with us as we proceed on with our lives. It is here where Jesus isn’t Lord of our life, just in it to an extent.

The second, letting Jesus take us. When Jesus takes us, we dive into the unknown, the dangerous, the unexplored. It is here we experience the fullness of God, the true rich beauty in being a Christ Follower.

Priority #2: Love God and Love People

You’ve heard it before, Matthew22: 34-40. Love God…Love People…it’s that simple, yet it seems to me we focus on the loving God, but never truly embrace loving others. We rarely experience, “and the second is like it, love your neighbor as yourself.”

We can’t love God without loving people and we can’t love people without loving God.
Do we get it? Do I get it?

And where does love end?

I see a very limited love in our lives as followers of Jesus. The only problem is if we’re following Jesus our love can’t end…shouldn’t end. It didn’t end for Jesus, it extended to the very fullness of love for Jesus. It extended to all…not a select few.

It seems impossible to live out. I struggle with it everyday and I’m glad. If we stop living in tension with who we are and who we’re becoming…I think it’s a scary place to be.

None of us have it correct, but if we stop seeking the depth of grace, truth, and love, we’re pretty stagnate.

So where does love end?

Does it end with the homosexuals…

Does it end with terrorist…

Does it end with that person you despise…

Does it end with the addict that can’t seem to ever get it right…

Does it end with those that don’t look like us, talk like us, believe like us…

Where does it end?? I’m asking you.

Oh yeah Valentines Day…Almost forgot…Love…what does it truly look like??

Love God…Love People

All the law and the prophets summed up for you right there.

I'm Not Dead

Well...I've been busy. A lot of cool stuff is going on here in Chi-Town. I've recently been in Oklahoma City meeting with individuals who may be interested in doing what we do, which is harder to explain than what I thought. Have much to tell and will fill you in later. Keep it classy!!!

The Whore I Love

It’s a shame, a tragedy nonetheless. Used, abused, and misunderstood. I hate to love her, love to hate her, yet in the end, I choose to still love. Her ways are heartbreaking, her actions dull and often passionless, yet I still love her. My expectations are never met, she runs off only to come back more bruised, tattered, and dirty.

I must say I’m sick of it. Who’s the whore, well you know her. In fact, you use her too. The Church is a whore. The church is our hope, the hope, and she’s been equated to a slut. St. Augustine said, “The Church is a whore, but she’s my mother.” This is both a true and complex statement Augustine makes.

For those reading this simply because the title says, “whore,” don’t stop!! It’s currently 3 am, I can’t sleep, and I have a reason. I’ve had an internal conflict over the past few days. I can’t get the church out of my mind. I don’t understand it. I get mad at it, but I come back loving it again and again.

What’s contributed to this recent conflict?

Well homosexuals for starters…

Fags, gays, lesbians, queers, whatever it is you call them, have really been on my heart. At work the other day I had an unusual experience. “Wow, they’re so hot,” said one of the ladies I work with. “Who?” I asked. “The one who ordered the cappuccino!!” I immediately tried to remember who order a cappuccino, and then they walked past. She was right; hot was a good word to describe the lady drinking the cappuccino.

I stood there not in shock, not even in disgust. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know how to react. I just stood.

Later that day, a guy I work with, and who I’ve become pretty good friends with, came in to work. He quickly got into a conversation with another employee about how “incredibly sexy” Matt Lienart is. I wasn't aware of it before, but, I came to the conclusion that he was gay too. Nothing gets by me?

Several days later I found out that my buddy thinks I’m attractive too. This throws a new aspect into male relationships that I’ve never had before. What do I do?

Recently a gay man came into the store and we had a nice conversation. He told me about his life and mentioned he went to Air Force Academy. Having recently been in Colorado Springs this summer, I proceeded to tell him how beautiful I thought it was there.

His response wasn’t what I expected. “I hate it there,” he said. “It’s way to churchy.” I didn’t know what to say. Maybe this was the time to break out into my little “I’m a Christian” mumbo jumbo that I’ve been so heavily trained to do. Instead I said, “oh yeah, there’s a lot of Christian organizations there.” “Oh yeah there is,” he said.

Was it a missed opportunity? Maybe…

Soon after he left…again…I just stood, not knowing how to react.

I’ll be honest. I don’t know what to do in many of the situations I encounter. I’m only 23 and pretty naïve. Yet, I have something inside me, something that I can’t rid myself of. It’s indefinable but at the same very explanatory. It’s a love really, a love for the church.

Not the buildings, not the programs, not even the teaching always. I love the people, the body, the church. It’s the hope of the world, it’s what Christ died for, and we’ve made it a whore. Derek Webb has a song called Wedding Dress. I recommend you listen to it.

We’re all (Christians) a bunch of whores! We put Christ on, like a wedding dress, when we need him, then run fast down the aisle to him, and then take him off when we don’t. Often times Jesus is used, forgotten, and his grace utterly abused. I feel as if I do this daily, yet unexplainable, grace remains.

In my own life I’m tired of making a mockery out of Jesus. Maybe I’m just speaking for myself and you all have it together, but I doubt it. If you think you do have it together, you’re full of it.

I’m convinced the church is a whore made up of whores. We need to be fixed, changed. Whether you’re in the city or a small town whether you’re rich or poor, old or young, educated or uneducated, there needs to be a change in our mindsets, our thinking, our worldview.

Do you get it?

It seems we’re so focused on the don’ts in our faith we forget the do’s. Christianity is a proactive faith, a faith that’s love is endless, a faith that’s grace is immeasurable, a faith that has hope, hope for a world where love prevails.

What do I do with my gay friends? Do I share the Gospel with them? They’ve already expressed dissonance with the Christian Church. I feel my only option is this: Show the Gospel to them.

Have I missed something here? I love the church, but mostly I love it for its potential. I believe in the church. The world can be changed by it, but it starts with us!!

Can we stop abusing grace, stop abusing Christ’s bride? I’m tired of hearing people who have given up on the church, but I’m equally tired of the church forgetting who Christ is, was, and what he did.

Become the church or get out of the church. It’s that simple and yet that hard.

Peace be with you.

Money In Da Bank

One more video of Money.

My Nigga

Before you flip out over my title, this is what I'm called everyday. Trust me, it's ok. I've found there's the racial word nigger and then there's "my friend" nigger.

Today we were back with the kids. I was incredibly excited to see them after being away for nearly two weeks. Below is a video of Money doing a little rap for us. I took it on my camera and it didn't record right, yet it's worth checking out.



I invite any of you who would like to come visit the kids in Austin to come. It's about these kids, its about Christ in their lives, come and be changed, it's hard to not be.